Red flags in men are early warning signs that indicate that he is behaving in unhealthy ways that might negatively impact you or your potential relationship. They can be hard to define because they differ for each individual.
However, some actions are universally considered red flags. These include controlling behavior and gaslighting. Others can be harder to pick up on in the early stages of dating, such as him not listening to you or lacking self-awareness.
Navigating the world of red flags can be tricky, but this blog post is here to help you spot the warnings signs.
33 red flags in men
So, let’s get stuck in and take a look at 33 red flags in men.
1. He is unable to commit to anything.
Being unable to commit to anything is a red flag in men because it can indicate that there are underlying issues that prevent them from being open. This negatively impacts their ability to connect with people on a deeper level. It could be due to unresolved past traumas or a fear of commitment. Alternatively, it could simply be that they have other things that they are choosing to prioritize. This can lead to frustration, hurt, and disappointment for the partner who is hoping for something deeper and longer-term.
2. He is controlling.
Controlling behavior is a major red flag in men, and it can lead to a toxic relationship. It can be indicative of an unhealthy power dynamic in the relationship. Or at least it can indicate that he is trying to gain the upper hand in the relationship. He might do this by making decisions without consulting you or trying to tell you what to do. This type of behavior can be emotionally and physically damaging. So, it’s important to recognize it early on and address it as soon as possible.
3. He is unreliable and untrustworthy.
If you feel like your partner is unreliable or untrustworthy, it’s a major red flag. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual trust. And how do you build trust? By being reliable. If your partner is constantly letting you down or not following through on things, it can cause your bond to deteriorate. This can lead to feelings of resentment and doubt, which can be damaging to the relationship.
4. He isn’t willing to compromise.
Not being willing to compromise is a red flag in men because it can be a sign that they are not willing to consider your needs or make sacrifices for the relationship. A lack of compromise often leads to resentment, negative communication patterns, and eventually breakups. If someone isn’t getting their needs met in the relationship, it can make them feel like their opinion and feelings don’t matter. This can lead to a lack of trust and connection.
5. He is condescending.
If you feel like he is condescending towards you, it’s a warning sign that something isn’t right. This is because it implies that he thinks he is superior and can talk down to you. Condescension is not only insulting, but it also creates an unequal power dynamic. Ultimately, you can’t have a healthy relationship without a balanced power dynamic where both partners feel like their opinions are heard and respected.
6. He is manipulative.
Manipulative behavior is a major red flag in men because it implies that they are trying to control you. Manipulation typically involves someone exploiting someone else’s feelings or insecurities to get what they want. They might do this by making someone feel guilty or ashamed. This behavior can be emotionally damaging and lead to you feeling like you have no power in the relationship. It can be confusing, too.
7. He is disrespectful towards you and others.
One of the best ways you can judge someone’s true character is by how they treat others. If your partner is often disrespectful towards you or other people, it can be a red flag. This is especially concerning if they are dismissive of your feelings and opinions. It’s also worrying if your partner is rude to other people, such as waitstaff or family members. This behavior implies that they have a lack of respect, empathy, and consideration for others, all of which can be hard to deal with.
8. He fails to take responsibility.
It’s important that both people in a relationship take responsibility for their actions and in life in general. Failing to take responsibility is a red flag in men because it can be indicative of a lack of accountability or maturity. If your partner always tries to pass the blame or refuses to acknowledge his mistakes, it can be difficult to deal with. Essentially, you can’t have a constructive conversation.
9. He doesn’t pay attention to your needs.
Not paying attention to other people’s needs is a red flag in men because it can indicate that they are unwilling or unable to consider the feelings and perspectives of others. This kind of unawareness can create an imbalanced relationship where one person’s needs take priority over the other’s. A lack of consideration for each other’s feelings leads to a lack of understanding, which is an essential component of any successful relationship.
10. He has mood swings.
Mood swings are a warning sign in men because they can indicate that someone isn’t able to handle or manage their emotions. This can lead to outbursts of anger, irritability, and other destructive behaviors. It can also create an unstable environment where you end up walking on eggshells and never knowing when the other person is going to be in a good or bad mood. Overall, this behavior can be unnerving to deal with.
11. He calls all his exes “crazy”.
Calling your exes “crazy” can be a red flag in men because there’s only one common denominator in all his breakups, and that’s him. It implies that he is blaming his exes for the issues in their relationships. This can be indicative of a lack of self-awareness and an inability to take responsibility for their own part in the breakup. It can also indicate that he doesn’t learn from his mistakes and is likely to repeat them in his next relationship.
12. He is jealous or possessive.
Jealousy and possessiveness are red flags in men because they can indicate an underlying issue controlling behavior. First, jealousy can lead to negative feelings, while possessiveness is a way of controlling someone. Jealousy also implies that he is threatened by other people, which suggests that he isn’t secure in himself. Second, possessiveness is a worrying sign of controlling behavior.
13. He is superficial.
Being superficial is a red flag in men because it implies that they aren’t interested in getting to know you on a deeper level. This can make it difficult to feel valued and appreciated as his partner. In addition, superficiality can indicate that he is overly concerned about what people think of him, which might mean that he isn’t secure in himself.
14. He has very few long-term friends.
Having few long-term friends can be a red flag because it can indicate that the person isn’t capable of forming enduring relationships and connections. The root cause of this could be many things. It’s possible that the person has difficulty communicating with others or has patterns of unhealthy behavior when it comes to social relationships. Again, the common denominator here is him.
15. He gaslights you.
Gaslighting is a serious red flag in men because it involves manipulating someone to get them to doubt their own reality and remember things differently than they actually happened. Gaslighting can be exhibited through subtle behaviors such as minimizing the victim’s feelings or experiences, denying events that occurred, making light of abuse, or blaming the victim for the abuser’s behavior. It is a completely unacceptable tactic used to gain control over another person and can lead to psychological harm.
16. He puts in too little effort.
Putting in too little effort can be a concerning sign because it suggests that they aren’t committed to your relationship and that they aren’t prepared to invest in you. Men who show a lack of motivation or resist giving you their time and energy may be signaling that they are not invested in the relationship long-term. This can lead to issues such as an unequal power dynamic in the relationship, where one partner is not receiving the level of care that they need.
17. He puts in too much effort.
Equally, putting in too much effort can also be concerning for very different reasons. It can indicate that the person has a fear of abandonment and doesn’t value their own needs or boundaries. It can also suggest that they are clingy and will be overly dependent on you, which can be suffocating. In addition, this type of behavior can indicate a tendency to overcompensate, which is conducive to a healthy relationship.
18. He is aggressive towards you.
Aggressiveness can be a red flag in men, as it suggests that they struggle to manage their own emotions. People who are aggressive are quick to anger and can end up resorting to threats or physical violence as a way of getting their point across. This can lead to an unsafe and toxic environment and serious harm.
19. He is selfish.
Selfishness can be a red flag in men, as it suggests that they are only interested in their own needs and desires at the expense of everyone else’s. This can create a toxic, unequal dynamic in the relationship. If he is only thinking about himself, it isn’t possible for you to feel valued and to get your needs met. Healthy relationships involve considering what each other needs to feel happy and secure.
20. He blames his childhood or past relationships.
Even if he did have a challenging childhood or toxic partners, it isn’t an excuse for dysfunctional behavior or bad treatment of others. Blaming childhood issues can be a red flag in men because it suggests that he isn’t willing to take responsibility for their behavior. This implies that he isn’t willing to change and isn’t capable of being accountable. It can also be a form of manipulation, as it’s an attempt to shift blame away from him.
21. He is a poor communicator.
Poor communication can be a red flag in men because it implies that they aren’t capable of expressing their thoughts and feelings openly. This can contribute to all kinds of misunderstandings and arguments. It can also prevent the relationship from progressing. People who lack communication skills can also struggle to resolve conflicts in a healthy way, which is key to a successful relationship.
22. He lacks self-awareness.
Lack of self-awareness can be a red flag in men because understanding yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses, is the first step to self-improvement. Personal growth is essential in a relationship, both as individuals and as a couple. If someone is not able to identify their own issues, it can be difficult for them to make any progress and to show up as their best self.
23. He doesn’t listen to you.
Not listening can be a red flag in men because it implies that they aren’t interested in what you have to say. This can make you feel like you don’t matter and that your opinions and thoughts aren’t being taken seriously. This almost always results in people not feeling heard or respected, both of which are crucial components of a healthy relationship. It can also cause arguments if he doesn’t take on board what you say.
24. He doesn’t respect your boundaries.
Not respecting boundaries is concerning because it implies that he doesn’t care about your feelings. If he doesn’t take into account your limits and preferences, it’s a sign that he doesn’t take your happiness seriously. Men who don’t respect boundaries are prone to taking advantage. When boundaries aren’t respected, you can quickly feel taken for granted and insignificant. It’s worth noting that this only applies to situations where there are obvious boundaries (protecting you from harm for example) and when you have communicated your boundaries clearly to him.
25. He doesn’t set his own boundaries.
As well as respecting your boundaries, it’s important that he sets his own boundaries. This shows that he values himself and is in control of what he does and doesn’t put up with. Clear boundaries can ensure both parties feel safe, secure, and respected in the relationship. If he isn’t able to set boundaries for himself, it can be difficult to establish a secure foundation for a relationship. It can also be a sign of poor self-esteem, which can make it hard to build a balanced and fulfilling relationship together.
26. He lovebombs you.
Lovebombing is a red flag in men because it often it’s a manipulative tactic that is often used as a way of controlling people. It’s a way of gaining someone’s trust and admiration quickly by showering them with compliments, gifts, and attention. It can be very flattering and make you feel special, but it’s important to remember that it isn’t genuine. Lovebombing is often a sign of someone with narcissistic tendencies. It can be difficult to spot this behavior, so if you feel like something isn’t quite right then trust your gut instinct.
27. He isn’t concerned about your safety.
If a man doesn’t care about your safety, this is a huge red flag. It implies that he isn’t willing to protect and look out for you. This can create an environment of fear and insecurity, neither of which is conducive to a healthy relationship for obvious reasons. One of the non-negotiable components of a relationship is feeling safe, so if he isn’t willing to prioritize your safety, then it’s best to move on. Even seemingly small gestures, such as him checking you got home safely, can add up to create a secure and loving environment.
28. He has an unhealthy lifestyle.
Having an unhealthy lifestyle, such as smoking, drinking too much, or not getting enough sleep, can be a red flag in men. This is because it indicates that he isn’t taking good care of himself, which is a sign that he may not be able to take care of you either. This can be especially concerning if he is trying to encourage you to adopt an unhealthy lifestyle as well. It’s important to remember that it isn’t your job to change him, and if he isn’t willing to take care of himself, then it’s unlikely he will be able to invest fully in a healthy relationship.
29. He never plans real dates.
Planning real dates is an important way to spend quality time together and keep the spark alive. If he’s not interested in planning romantic, fun, or interesting dates, then it’s a sign that he may not be interested in nurturing the relationship. Dates don’t have to be expensive. It could be something as simple as a picnic in the park or an afternoon exploring a new area. It’s about the thought and willingness to make an effort. If he isn’t willing to put in this effort, it can cause you to feel devalued and unimportant.
30. He isn’t honest with you.
Honesty is essential in any relationship, so if he isn’t being honest, it’s a major red flag in men. It’s important to be able to trust each other and rely on one another. Without trust, a relationship won’t survive. When someone breaks trust in a relationship in a major way, it can be hard to rebuild the connection. And for good reason. If someone broke your trust once, it’s reasonable to question whether they might do it again.
31. He has no interests or hobbies.
Having hobbies and interests is an important part of being a fulfilled individual, so if he has no hobbies or interests then you should question why. It can be a sign that he isn’t making an effort to invest in himself or that he doesn’t have enough self-awareness to recognize the importance of growing and developing as a person. An individual without hobbies or interests can lack ambition, which could cause problems further down the line.
32. He doesn’t follow through on his actions.
Following through on your actions is an important part of being reliable and trustworthy. If he doesn’t follow through, then it’s a red flag in a man. This could cause you to doubt his word and create a feeling of insecurity in the relationship. And who wants to be with someone they can’t count on? Additionally, it could be a sign of laziness or lack of commitment that would likely become more pronounced over time.
33. He doesn’t celebrate your success.
Being genuinely happy for each other when one of you has success is an important way to show your love and support for each other. It’s also a sign that he cares about what’s important to you. At the end of the day, you want to be with someone who wants you to be happy, and celebrating your success is a great way to show it.
At the end of the day, it’s important to pay attention to warning signs like these in order to identify unhealthy behavior that could potentially lead to a toxic relationship. Paying attention and being aware of red flags can save you from potential heartache later on.
Red flags in men FAQs
Let’s take a look at some FAQs about red flags in men.
How should you deal with red flags?
If you pick up on any behavior that you think could be a cause for concern, it’s important to listen to your intuition. How you should deal with red flags depends on the severity of the actions as well as your personal boundaries and values.
It’s important to call out red flags early on and communicate why certain behaviors don’t sit well with you. By doing this, you give your partner a chance to explain themselves and change the way they act going forward. Healthy relationships are all about communication, and it could be that your partner didn’t know that a certain action would negatively impact you. You’ll find out soon enough whether they’ve taken your feedback on board.
Are red flags always a dealbreaker?
Whether a red flag is a dealbreaker or not depends on the individuals and the circumstances of the situation. At the end of the day, everyone has different dealbreakers versus different behaviors that they are prepared to give their partner space to work on.
However, some red flags are dealbreakers that should immediately cause a relationship to end. For example, if someone makes you feel unsafe. Other red flags require monitoring and can go either way. Sometimes they can be worked through, but they may also become more frequent or serious.
Why shouldn’t you ignore red flags?
You shouldn’t ignore red flags because they are indicators of potential problems in the relationship. Ignoring red flags can lead to further issues, such as unresolvable conflict or even abuse.
Becoming aware of red flags and addressing them early on can help prevent further issues from arising in the future. Additionally, it’s important to take these warning signs seriously and not brush them off as minor issues – doing so could put your safety and well-being at risk.
If you really like someone, it can be hard to confront them about red flags. But it’s important to remind yourself that ignoring red flags will only lead to more heartache in the long run.
Final thoughts on red flags in men
Ultimately, if you’re not sure whether something is a red flag, trust your gut. If something made you feel angry or disappointed, it’s your emotions telling you that something isn’t right.
While relationships require work and effort, if someone is displaying unhealthy behaviors, then it may be time to reassess the relationship. By staying aware and being mindful of red flags, you can maximize your chances of a safe, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.
If you liked this blog post, you may also like our blog about gaslighting and the hot and cold guy.
