Letting him go can be a difficult decision to make, and it can be a whole journey in itself. But not all relationships are destined to last forever—some people are only meant to come into our lives for a little while.
But that doesn’t make letting him go any easier. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for years or you recently met someone with whom you feel a deep connection, parting ways can be a deeply painful experience. You are mourning a loss. The loss of someone you let into your life and the loss of a future that could have been. So if you’re struggling during this difficult time, know that you’re not alone and that there are steps you can take to make the process less painful.
This post is a comprehensive guide to letting him go, where we’ll look at why to let him go, when to know it’s the right time, and how to move on.
8 reasons why you should let him go
Let’s start with the reasons behind letting him go. Here are the most common eight reasons why it may be the right decision.
1. He doesn’t make an effort.
If you feel like he isn’t putting any effort into the relationship and there is a total lack of communication, then it may be time to let him go. If he doesn’t make an effort, it can be a sign that he isn’t invested in you and that he doesn’t value your presence in his life to the extent he should. For a relationship to thrive, both parties need to put in the effort, and if he isn’t, you can quickly find yourself fighting a losing battle.
2. He doesn’t respect you.
If he doesn’t respect you, letting him go might be the best path forward. Respect is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship. If it’s lacking, then the relationship simply won’t work. If he continually dismisses your feelings and opinions, it’s time to move on and find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Respect is a nuanced and complex concept, and you should always listen to your gut feeling. Essentially, it’s not something that can be taught; it needs to come naturally.
3. He is dishonest.
If he is dishonest and lies to you, then it’s time to let him go. Honesty is key in any relationship, and without it, you can’t build trust. If he lies to you and can’t keep his word, then he isn’t worthy of your time, and it’s time to let him go. Honesty is something that is often taken for granted, but it’s essential for any relationship to thrive. It allows both people to feel safe and secure with one another. To build a deep connection with someone, you need to trust that they will be honest with you. Honesty is a sign of respect because it shows that he cares enough about you to tell you the truth, even if it might make life difficult for him.
4. He makes you feel bad about yourself.
If he puts you down and makes you feel bad about yourself, then letting him go is the right decision. You shouldn’t invest in people who don’t have your best interests at heart. It’s a major red flag if he impacts your self-esteem in a negative way. He should be your biggest cheerleader, not your greatest detractor. This can be a tactic to control and manipulate your feelings, which can have long-lasting effects on your mental health. So, the sooner you nip this in the bud, the better.
5. He won’t commit.
This is a nuanced topic. But the crux of it is if he isn’t willing to commit to a relationship and it’s important to you, letting him go might be the right call. While you might not both be ready for a relationship at exactly the same time, you shouldn’t have to wait forever for him to make a decision. If he isn’t ready to commit, that alone doesn’t make him a bad person. He might just have other priorities right now. But if his refusal to commit negatively impacts you, then it might be time to move on. As we mentioned, this is a nuanced topic. If you want to understand more, you can read our post about defining the relationship.
6. He isn’t adding anything to your life.
If you feel like he’s not bringing anything into your life, it could be time to let him go. Relationships should involve both people giving and receiving. If you feel you’re settling, it’s not a good sign. While most of the points on this list are related to someone negatively affecting your life, it’s also an issue if his impact is neutral. If you’re not feeling any kind of pleasure or joy when you are together, then it might mean that your relationship isn’t right in the long run.
7. He doesn’t support you.
This is a major issue in relationships. We all need support from our partners to reach our goals and be happy. If he isn’t supportive of your dreams and ambitions, then letting him go may be the right decision. He should be a source of encouragement and positivity in your life, not an additional obstacle. Healthy relationships involve mutual support and genuinely wanting the best for each other. So if he isn’t providing that, it can be a sign that you should move on.
8. He doesn’t listen to you.
Listening is a major part of communication, and without it, a relationship can’t progress in a healthy way. If he interrupts you or doesn’t pay attention to what you’re saying, then let him go. Open and honest communication is an essential part of ensuring both people’s needs are getting met. If he doesn’t listen to you, you won’t be able to work together to find compromises that suit both of your needs. This lack of communication can cause a whole range of issues and frustration in any relationship.
We have touched on some more subtle signs that you should let a man go, but it’s important to note that there are more extreme cases. If he is abusive in any way—physically, mentally, or emotionally— then it’s important to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible and seek help.
When to let him go
When to let him go depends on several key factors. Here are the three most important questions to ask yourself.
1) Do you want to try to work things out?
2) Do you think he can change?
3) Do you think he is willing to change?
First, figure out if you want to try and work things out. If you’ve grown apart or you have discovered you are incompatible after getting to know him better, then you might not have the motivation to try.
Alternatively, if he has treated you badly or has deeply hurt you, you might feel that the relationship is beyond the point of repair. Either of these cases suggests that it’s best to let him go.
However, if you do still care about him and think the relationship is worth saving, then you have to ask yourself if you think he can change and be willing to. This will generally require communication between the two of you. You should calmly let him know how his behavior is impacting you and let him know what you need from him. There may be issues that he wants to discuss, too.
If he is willing to make changes, you can work on it together and see if the relationship can be saved. You will only discover through his actions over time whether the relationship will change for the better.
How long you give him to make the changes varies significantly depending on what the issues are, how they are impacting you, how long you have been together, how connected you feel, etc. To some extent, you should use your intuition, and seeking advice from a trusted source can help, too. There will likely come a point when, if you dig deep, you will know if you need to let him go.
It will be a hard decision because even if you know in your heart that it’s the right path. You will be grieving the loss of someone who has been a part of your life, and it will likely take time to process the emotions that come with it.
Despite how hard it is, ultimately, it’s about being honest with yourself and understanding that it is okay to let go of anything that doesn’t make you feel secure, supported, and valued.
7 tips for letting him go
We know how hard it is to let go of someone you care about. Here are seven tips to help you let go of a man.
1. Allow yourself time to process your emotions.
Just like with any other loss, it’s important to give yourself time to grieve after parting ways with him. This doesn’t mean that you have to wallow in your sorrows for months on end and shut yourself off from the world, but you should allow yourself to feel the pain and heartache that comes with letting him go. It’s never a good idea to try to bottle up your emotions and move on as quickly as possible. This might result in short-term happiness, but it’s not beneficial in the long run. It can come back to bite you in the future in several ways.
2. Pursue your passions.
If you are truly letting him go, and he was an integral part of your life, you might find that you have more time on your hands. Use this opportunity to pursue your passions and do the things that you love. This can help take your mind off him. But even more importantly, it’s a great way to find joy in life and explore different parts of yourself. Not only will you grow as a person and be in a better place, but after a while, you might even find that you’re happier without him.
3. Consider what you’ve learned from the situation.
There are always learnings you can take from letting a man go. This isn’t about pointing fingers, be it at yourself or him. Instead, it’s about taking a step back and thinking about what you would do differently next time so you can avoid making the same mistakes again. Perhaps you had unrealistic expectations of how you wanted the relationship to be. Or you invested in them when they weren’t giving much back. Whatever it is, you’ll find something you can learn from the situation if you dig deep enough.
4. Don’t ask ‘what if’.
Avoid dwelling on the past. Instead, focus on your present and future. After letting him go, you might be tempted to spend all your time thinking about what went wrong and how you could have done things differently. While it’s important to reflect and take learnings forward, you can’t turn back time. No good can come from obsessing about what has been and gone. If you find yourself constantly asking ‘what if,’ try to reframe your thoughts. Focus on the things you are currently grateful for in life and the exciting opportunities that lie ahead.
5. Be clear about your boundaries.
When you part ways with someone, you should be clear about your boundaries and what you’re comfortable with regarding communication. If you’re not ready to talk to the person, let them know that you need some space and time. Similarly, if you find yourself getting too emotionally attached, it might be best to limit your contact. Or even go completely no-contact. The most important thing is that you do what is right for you long-term, not just in the moment. Letting go of someone often requires self-restraint. A text at 2am when you’re missing them might give you a quick hit. But ultimately, it will make it harder for you to truly move on.
6. Talk to your family and friends.
If necessary, seek support from your family and friends. The importance of a support network during the process of letting him go varies from person to person. Some people might find it beneficial to talk to those close to them, while others might prefer to keep things private. Even if you aren’t the kind of person who openly talks about their feelings, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Your family and friends can provide emotional support, understanding, and advice during this difficult time. They can also provide practical help to make the transition easier, such as helping you find a new place to live or cooking you dinner.
7. Seek professional help if necessary.
In some cases, you may choose to seek professional help to cope with your emotions. A therapist, counselor, or coach can provide you with support in a safe environment and help you work through the grief. It’s important to note that we all have different grieving timelines. This means we all need different types of support at different stages. For example, one person might want to talk things through with their friends straight away, then spend time alone, and then speak to a therapist. Other people might go about the process in a completely different way. There is no set path when working out how to let go of someone you love. You’ll need to find what best suits you.
Final thoughts on letting him go
As hard as it can be to let someone go, remind yourself that it’s the best decision for your long-term happiness. When you let go of someone, you make room in your life for new opportunities and experiences. It’s a chance to let go of the past and embrace the future.
While the healing process might take time, it will make you stronger and wiser. It’s important to use the learnings to shape your future relationships so that you can make the most out of them. And let go of the guilt and regret, knowing that you did the best you could at the time.
If you liked this post, you might also enjoy our blog about let go quotes.
