33 Things to Know When Dating an INTJ

INTJ Dating blog cover

INTJs can struggle when it comes to dating. We are complex individuals, and we rarely meet people with whom we connect in a meaningful way. We need a lot of alone time, and meeting new people can be draining for us. Plus, we value intense, deep connections with a select number of people.

However, INTJs are some of the most enigmatic people you’ll ever meet. We are independent and extremely logical. So don’t expect us to just go with the flow – we’ll always want to know why things are the way they are. We like to be prepared, and we are some of the best planners you’ll ever meet.

In this post, we run through 33 things you need to know when dating an INTJ. So if you’re dating an INTJ or are curious about what makes them tick, read on.

1. We like our alone time.

We are perfectly content spending time by ourselves and don’t need constant companionship. If you’re dating an INTJ, don’t take it personally if we want to be alone sometimes; it’s just that we need time to think and reflect on our own.

2. We are always thinking.

INTJs are constantly thinking and analyzing everything around them. If you’re dating an INTJ, be prepared for us to think through everything before making a decision – even if it’s just something small, like where to go for dinner.

3. We are independent.

INTJs are very independent people and don’t like to be reliant on others. We prefer to do things our own way and on our own terms. This can sometimes make us seem aloof or even rude, but it’s just because we like to be in control of our own lives.

4. We are extremely loyal.

We are incredibly loyal partners. Once we’ve committed to someone, we will do everything in our power to make the relationship work. We take our responsibilities very seriously and will always try our best to meet your needs.

5. We aren’t big on small talk.

INTJs prefer deep, meaningful conversations over small talk any day. If you’re dating an INTJ, be prepared to have some serious conversations about life, the universe, and novel concepts.

6. We are private people.

INTJs are very private people who don’t like to share too much about themselves with others. This can make us come across as cold, but it’s just that we aren’t open books. We prefer to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves unless we are sure that we can trust the person we are talking to.

7. We are always planning ahead.

We are always planning for the future and thinking about what needs to be done. This can sometimes make us seem rigid or inflexible, but it just means that we like to be prepared. If you’re dating an INTJ, be prepared for us to always be thinking ahead and making plans.

8. We are hard to read.

INTJs are very hard to read and understand, even for other INTJs. We are masters of the poker face and can often seem emotionless. If you’re dating an INTJ, don’t take it personally if they aren’t always expressive with you; it’s just the way we are.

9. We can struggle to express our emotions.

Due to our private nature, INTJs are not naturally good at expressing their emotions. This can make us seem distant and uninterested, but it’s just that we find it hard to express how we feel. If you’re dating an INTJ, be patient with us and understand that it takes time for us to express ourselves.

10. We are logical thinkers.

INTJs are logical thinkers who prefer to make decisions based on facts and evidence. This is something that is engrained deep within us. If you’re dating an INTJ, be prepared for us to want to talk things through before making any decisions, no matter how small.

11. We aren’t impulsive.

INTJs are not impulsive people. We like to think things through before taking any action. This can sometimes make us seem like we are overthinkers, but it just means that we like to be sure of things before we do anything.

12. We are patient.

INTJs are very patient people. We are not afraid of waiting for things and are happy to take our time. This can make us seem like we are indifferent, but it’s just that we don’t feel the need to rush things. We know that some things take time, and we’re happy to wait for things that are important to us.

13. We are perfectionists.

INTJs are perfectionists who strive for excellence in everything that we do. This can sometimes make us seem like control freaks, but it just means that we want things to be done right. If you’re dating an INTJ, be prepared for us to have high standards and always be aiming for perfection.

14. We don’t conform to social norms.

INTJs are non-conformists who don’t like to follow the crowd. Instead, we prefer to make decisions based on what we believe is logical rather than follow tradition for tradition’s sake.  This can make us seem like we are rebels, but it’s just that we don’t see the point in some social rituals.

15. We are reliable.

INTJs are reliable people who can be counted on to follow through on their commitments. This is something that is very important to us, and we take it very seriously. You can count on an INTJ to be reliable and dependable.


16. We aren’t afraid of hard work.

We are always up for a challenge, and we are willing to put in the effort to achieve our goals. This can make us seem like we are workaholics, but it’s just that we believe that hard work pays off. If you’re dating an INTJ, be prepared for us to be driven and ambitious.

17. We don’t like to be controlled.

INTJs don’t like to be controlled or told what to do. In fact, it’s one of our biggest pet peeves. We don’t like to be micro-managed and prefer to have the freedom to make our own decisions. If you’re dating an INTJ, it’s important to give us the space to make our own decisions and to trust that we will make the right ones.

18. We can be stubborn.

We can be stubborn people who are set in our ways. This is because we like things to be done a certain way and can be resistant to change. We have strong opinions, and when we believe something to be true, it can be hard to change our minds.

19. We like to be challenged.

INTJs like to be challenged and enjoy intellectual stimulation. This is because we are constantly seeking to grow and learn. We love to debate and discuss. If you’re dating an INTJ, be prepared for a lot of intellectual conversations.

20. We like things to be orderly.

INTJs are neat and tidy people who like things to be in order. This is because we are logical thinkers who prefer to have a place for everything. We can be obsessive about organizing and can get upset when things are out of place.

21. We value intelligence.

We are attracted to people who are intelligent and can keep up with our fast-paced minds. Plus, we want a partner who can challenge us and keep us on our toes. If one thing’s for sure, we are turned off by people who are close-minded or who aren’t interested in learning new things.

22. We are always thinking about possibilities.

We love planning, and we love to explore novel concepts. This means that we spend a lot of time thinking about the future and running through different scenarios in our heads. We are often very skilled at predicting how things will play out.

23. We aren’t always the most romantic people.

INTJs aren’t known for being the most romantic people. We may not always say or do the things that you want us to, but we do have our own unique way of showing our love for you. If you’re dating an INTJ, know that we show our love in a different way than most people.

24. We are looking for someone who will broaden our minds.

We want a partner who is prepared to engage in our mental gymnastics. When it comes to dating and love, we need to find our partners fascinating, and we love it when they show us new perspectives. We aren’t looking for someone who is a cookie-cutter or who conforms to societal norms.

25. We have sharp minds.

INTJs have sharp minds and are quick thinkers. We are always looking for new ways to improve and optimize things. This means that we are always coming up with new ideas and solutions. We are constantly thinking of new ways to do things.


26. We take a while to open up.

It takes us a while to open up and truly trust people. We don’t feel comfortable sharing our personal thoughts and feelings unless we know you really well. If you’re dating an INTJ, be patient with them and know that they will eventually open up to you.

27. We are prone to overthinking.

INTJs are notorious for overthinking things. We can spend hours mulling over things and going over situations and plans in our heads. This is because we like to think things through and make sure that we are making the right decision.

28. We can be critical.

INTJs can be critical people. We tend to see the flaws in things, and we aren’t afraid to point them out. This is because we are constantly seeking improvement, and we are natural perfectionists. If you’re dating an INTJ, be prepared for them to be very honest in the way they communicate.

29. We make very calculated decisions.

When it comes to decision-making, INTJs are very logical and rational. We take all the different variables into account, and we carefully weigh up the pros and cons. We want to make sure that we are making the best decision possible.

30. We aren’t always the best at communicating.

INTJs can sometimes under-communicate. We can be very direct, and sometimes, this comes across as being rude or insensitive. We don’t tend to sugarcoat things and can end up saying things that hurt people’s feelings when we don’t mean to.

31. We are extremely curious.

INTJs are always exploring, learning, and investigating. In fact, we want to know everything about everything.  We love to learn, which means we are always growing and evolving as people.

32. We can be very intense.

When we are interested in something, we can get very intense about it. This means that we can become laser-focused and obsessed. It can be hard for us to switch off and take a break. We can become completely engrossed in topics for a certain period of time, and we often have an obscure knowledge base as a result.

33. We won’t settle.

INTJs won’t settle for anything less than a truly special connection. We want the best of the best, and we aren’t afraid to wait for it. In fact, we would rather be single than settle for someone who isn’t a good match for us.

Share this post to help other people understand INTJ dating

We hope this provides insight into what makes INTJs tick and helps make your relationship a little smoother. Remember, we’re all unique individuals, so not everything on this list will apply to every INTJ. But it should give you a good starting point.

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out our other post on INTJ compatibility. Or perhaps you’re an INTJ, and you’d like your partner to understand you on a deeper level? Share this post with them and see what they think.

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