Being scared of commitment, also known as commitment phobia, is a relatively common issue in the world of dating. There are a number of potential causes which can make it difficult to identify.
If you struggle with dating and relationships or have stayed single for an extended period of time, it’s important to consider the possibility that you are scared of commitment.
Signs that you are scared of commitment
If you think you might have commitment issues, read on for some signs that could help you identify them.
1. You find momentum in relationships uncomfortable.
A sign that you’re scared of commitment is that even when you’re happy in a relationship, you struggle to take the necessary steps to move it forward. You may feel conflicted in the sense that you genuinely like the person you’re with, but the thought of the relationship progressing to the next stage makes you feel anxious, worried, or stressed.
2. You withdraw or “check out” emotionally when things start getting serious.
This can manifest itself in a number of ways, such as being unwilling to discuss future plans, being evasive about your feelings, or distancing yourself physically and emotionally from your partner. It’s common for people who are scared of commitment to pull away when things get serious.
3. You “test” your dates.
If you find that you are constantly testing your dates in one way or another, you may have commitment issues. This might look like picking fights or being unnecessarily jealous. It’s a way of self-sabotaging by finding an excuse to avoid becoming close to your partner.
4. You idealize or romanticize potential partners.
Idealizing potential partners can cause you to become quickly infatuated with someone and then lose interest just as fast. It’s a way of keeping yourself from getting too attached to anyone and protecting yourself from getting hurt. This is a slightly more subtle sign that you’re scared of commitment.
5. You’re always the one ending a relationship.
One sign that you’re scared of commitment is that you end relationships when you feel yourself becoming emotionally attached or that your partner expects certain things from you. This tends to be because you feel suffocated or trapped when things start getting serious. In addition, people with commitment phobia often feel like they can’t handle the sense of responsibility.
6. You’re attracted to people who are unavailable.
If you’re only attracted to people who are physically or emotionally unavailable, you may have commitment phobia. For example, if your love interests always live in another country or are already in a relationship. This could indicate that you subconsciously choose partners who you can’t get too close to. Thus ensuring that the relationship won’t get too serious.
7. You’re flaky.
Being flaky might mean that you cancel plans, don’t show up or call when you say you will, or are generally unreliable. This can be a way of subconsciously pushing people away so you won’t get too close. It’s a way of self-sabotaging, which goes hand-in-hand with commitment phobia.
8. You struggle to be vulnerable.
If you struggle to be vulnerable, it can be a sign that you’re scared of commitment. Do you have a hard time opening up and sharing your thoughts, feelings, or emotions with others? If so, it could be because you’re afraid of being rejected or hurt. Ultimately, it’s a way of making sure that people don’t get to know the real you. So you can never feel like you’ve been rejected for who you truly are.
9. You never seem to want a serious relationship.
If you constantly avoid talking about the future or getting serious with someone, you could be scared of commitment. Instead of trying to move the relationship forward, you may find yourself making excuses and pulling away instead. Like a lot of these signs, this isn’t always done on a conscious level.
10. You’re always looking for an out.
If your relationships always seem to end before they even get started, this could be another indication that you’re scared of commitment. Instead of giving things a chance and seeing where they go, you might find yourself looking for any excuse to end things before they get too serious.
11. You have difficulty showing affection.
Relationships require two people to show each other affection in order to thrive. However, if you find yourself having difficulty expressing your feelings or showing affection towards someone else, this could be a sign that you’re scared of committing yourself emotionally. It’s a way of keeping yourself from getting too close and feeling vulnerable.
12. You avoid investing in relationships.
Relationships take time and effort in order for them to work out in the long run. If you’re never willing to invest any time into a relationship or don’t see the point in putting in an effort, this could mean that you are scared of making a long-term commitment.
13. You fear abandonment.
Do you constantly worry that your partner will leave you or that they will find someone better, even with no evidence to indicate they will? If so, you might be scared of commitment. A fear of abandonment can stem from past experiences, such as childhood traumas or previous relationships where one felt abandoned or rejected. These experiences can create emotional scars that shape future attitudes towards commitment.
If some of these signs resonate with you, it’s likely that you are dealing with commitment phobia.
Consequences of commitment phobia
Being scared of commitment can be damaging to both your mental health and relationships. This is why it’s so important to address your commitment issues and learn to cope with them.
Without doing so, you will likely find yourself feeling isolated or lonely, as well as struggling with anxiety or depression. We are hard-wired for human connection, and we have an innate need for companionship of various kinds.
You may find yourself single for a long period of time or jumping from one relationship to the next. Commitment phobia can also lead to unhealthy relationship patterns, where people can end up getting hurt.
Additionally, commitment phobia can lead to you not pursuing opportunities that could make your life better because of the fear of getting attached.
It’s not that everyone in the world needs a romantic partner at all times or ever. Some people are happy being single, and there is nothing wrong with that. But we do all need connection., and being scared of commitment impacts friendships, too.
Ultimately, commitment phobia prevents you from living your most fulfilling, meaningful life. It’s important to remember that you can make a commitment without losing yourself, and it is possible to find joy in relationships if you learn to overcome your fear.
Why are people scared of commitment?
Commitment phobia is also linked to difficulty connecting with emotions and forming attachments, which makes it difficult to make a commitment to another person.
People can be scared of commitment for a variety of different reasons. It could be due to fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, or fear of being hurt. It could also involve fear of failure or feeling overwhelmed by the emotions that come with being in a relationship.
In general, commitment phobia is caused by a combination of factors, both personal and environmental. It can stem from past trauma, difficulty processing emotions, lack of trust, low self-esteem, or relationship anxiety.
Some examples of past trauma include painful breakups, feeling like you failed at relationships, or a difficult home environment when growing up.
No matter the cause, it’s important to recognize that if you have commitment issues, you are not alone.
Why should you overcome commitment phobia?
Commitment issues can stop you from being able to form meaningful relationships and enjoy the support, companionship, and love that comes with them.
Building deep connections, not only in a romantic sense but also in terms of friendships, is one of the most important things in life. It’s what we have all evolved to need in order to feel safe and supported.
Human connection is essential for both physical and mental well-being. It allows us to feel seen, heard, understood and appreciated. When we have meaningful connections with others, we feel happier and more fulfilled.
So it’s undoubtedly worth facing your fears head-on and working on overcoming any commitment issues that you may have so that you can reap the rewards of strong relationships.
What should you do if you think you’re scared of commitment?
If you suspect you’re scared of commitment, you should start working through your issues sooner rather than later. Changing your mindset and challenging your beliefs can help you overcome commitment phobia.
But these changes don’t happen overnight, which is why it’s important to get started as soon as possible. With effort and dedication, you can learn to face your fears and form healthy relationships with others.
Not only do these changes take time, but they may require help from a professional. Consider talking to a counselor or therapist about your commitment issues so that you can get to the root of your problem. This can help you start to understand why you have the fear that you do and how to move past it.
Remember that it will be worth it in the end. Working through commitment phobia can be difficult, but you’ll then be able to form deep, meaningful connections with others and enjoy the rewards of a fulfilling relationship.
If you’re dedicated, you can begin to break down your barriers and find the love you deserve.
Final thoughts of commitment phobia
If a number of these signs sound familiar, then it’s likely that you do have some degree of commitment phobia that needs addressing before entering into any serious relationships with other people.
Talking through these issues with friends or family or a professional therapist can help shed light on what may be causing your fear of commitment so that it can be worked through and overcome.
If you liked this post, you may also like our blog about beige flags when dating.
