31 Things to Know When Dating an ESTJ

ESTJ Dating blog cover

ESTJs are logical and analytical. There’s nothing we love more than order and routine. We may seem a little stiff at first, but once you get to know us, we can be a lot of fun.

People of the ESTJ personality type are amazing partners who value stability and tradition. We are logical in our approach to dating, and we are often good at taking care of the practical details in relationships. We are exceptionally reliable, and you always count on us to follow through.

In this post, we run through 31 things you need to know when dating an ESTJ. So, if you’re dating an ESTJ or are curious about what makes them tick, read on.

1. We are extremely committed partners.

ESTJs are some of the most dedicated people you’ll ever meet. Once we commit to someone, we are in it for the long haul. We’re incredibly loyal partners who value honesty, and we will always stick to our word.

2.  We love being in charge.

In relationships, ESTJs take on the role of leader and provider. We like to be in control, and we thrive when we’re able to take charge and make our own decisions. If you’re dating an ESTJ, be prepared for them to want to take the lead.

3. We can be a little bit bossy.

Since we’re such natural leaders, it’s only natural that we can come across as bossy sometimes. Our partners need to be okay with us taking charge. If you can’t handle a little bit of bossiness, an ESTJ relationship might not be for you.


4. We are extremely honest.

 Honesty is important to us, and we expect our partners to be honest with us as well. We don’t like to beat around the bush. We just say it like it is. If you are dating an ESTJ, you should know that we will be straight with you and that we’re not the kind of person to play games.

5. We value tradition and convention.

ESTJs are all about tradition and sticking to the tried and true. We like things to be done the way they’ve always been done. This can sometimes make us seem a bit inflexible, but it also means that we’re reliable and dependable.

6. We are natural-born planners.

ESTJs love to plan and organize. We’re always thinking ahead and making sure that everything is in its proper place. If you’re dating an ESTJ, be prepared for us to want to take charge of planning date nights and other events.

7. We are very hard workers.

ESTJs are known for being some of the hardest workers around. We’re extremely driven, and we always give 100% to everything we do. This can sometimes mean that we neglect our personal lives, but it also means that we’re always striving to better ourselves.

8. We can be blunt.

ESTJs are known for being direct and to the point. We don’t sugarcoat things, and we always say exactly what we’re thinking. This can sometimes come across as being rude, but it’s just how we are, and we don’t mean any harm.

9. We enjoy spending time with our partners.

ESTJs might not be the most romantic people around, but we still enjoy spending time with our partners. We like doing things together, and we feel closest to our partners when we’re engaged in shared activities.

10. We are protective of our loved ones.

ESTJs are extremely loyal and protective of their loved ones. We will always stand up for our partners, and we will do whatever it takes to keep them safe. If you’re dating an ESTJ, you can be sure that they will do their very best to make sure you are happy.

11. We can be stubborn.

ESTJs are known for being headstrong and stubborn. We’re not the type of people to back down from a challenge. This can sometimes make us difficult to deal with, but it also means that we stand up for what we believe in.

12. We value security and stability.

ESTJs are all about security and stability. We like our lives to be predictable, and we take comfort in knowing what’s around the corner. This doesn’t mean that we’re boring but it does mean that we prefer stability over chaos.

13. We are extremely logical.

ESTJs are some of the most logical people you’ll ever meet. We base our decisions on facts and reasoning, and we’re not the type of people to let our emotions get in the way. In fact, we often have trouble understanding people who make very emotional decisions.

14. We live for structure and routine.

ESTJs feel most comfortable when they are following a routine. We like don’t deal well with change, whether it’s small everyday things or much bigger life adjustments. Even though we might not be the most spontaneous people, we’re always up for doing activities and having a good time.

15. We aren’t big on emotions.

ESTJs aren’t known for being very emotional. We tend to bottle up our feelings, and we’re not the type of people to wear our hearts on our sleeves. This doesn’t mean that we don’t care about our partners, but it does mean that we express our love in different ways. Often, we show our appreciation for our partner through acts of service, such as cooking dinner or running errands.

16. We are all about efficiency.

ESTJs hugely value efficiency. We like things to be done quickly, and we’re always looking for ways to streamline our process. This can sometimes make us seem a little cold and detached, but it’s just how we are wired.

17. We love a good challenge.

We are known for being competitive, and we love a good challenge. In addition, we thrive in situations where we can test our skills. Even when it comes to things like board games, we can be very set on winning. If you’re dating an ESTJ, be prepared for our competitive side to come out at some point!

18. We are very detail-oriented.

ESTJs are extremely detail-oriented. We notice everything, and we are extremely observant of the world around us. This can mean that we sometimes miss the big picture and we appreciate it when others help us take a step back.

19. We have high standards.

We have very high standards in all areas, from our professional lives to our relationships. As a result, we expect a lot from ourselves and from those around us. This is a blessing and a curse. It can sometimes make us seem difficult to please, but it also means that we’re always striving for excellence.

20. We are independent.

ESTJs are very independent. We like to do things our own way, and we’re not the type of people to constantly ask for help. At the end of the day, we’re self-sufficient, and we like to be in control of our own lives. If you’re dating an ESTJ, make sure to give them the space they need.

21. We have great memories.

ESTJs have very good memories. We tend to remember even the smallest details, and we’re always able to recall past events with great clarity. In fact, we can often remember exact words that people said months ago and even years back in some situations. If you’re dating an ESTJ, be prepared for them to never forget anything you say!

22. We can be quite serious.

While we do have a sense of humor, we tend to be on the more serious side. We’re not really the type to crack jokes or play around, at least at first. This can make us seem a bit uptight, but once you get to know us, you’ll find that we have a silly side, too.

23. We can be laser-focused.

When we set our minds to something, we can be pretty single-minded in our pursuit. This can make us seem tunnel-visioned, but it also enables us to be very successful when we want to be. We have a lot of determination and resilience, which help us push through more challenging times.

24. We always follow through.

If we say we’re going to do something, we’ll do it. We always follow through on our commitments, and we expect our partners to do the same. This can make us seem a bit inflexible, but it also means that you can always count on us. If you’re looking for a partner who sticks to their word, an ESTJ might be a great fit.

25. We value rules and hierarchy.

ESTJs respect hierarchy. We believe that everyone has their place, and we’re always aware of who is in charge. This is because we believe that society operates best with clear structures and rules. We tend to be very respectful of authority figures, and we take rules seriously.


26. We are very organized.

ESTJs are extremely organized. Ultimately, we like everything to be in its place, and we can get upset when things are out of order. ESTJs are usually neat freaks, and we’re very good at keeping track of our commitments. Our diaries play a major role in our lives. If you’re dating an ESTJ, try to be on time for dates!

27. We have a strong sense of duty.

ESTJs are dutiful people. We believe in fulfilling our obligations, and we’re always conscious of our responsibilities. In fact, we can become quite frustrated when other people don’t take their commitments seriously, and this is an instant turn-off for us when it comes to dating.

28. We are extremely confident.

We know what we want, and we go after it with enthusiasm and vigor. This confidence can sometimes be misread as arrogance, but it’s really that we are extremely decisive and focused. More often than not, we are very able people who enjoy reaching our full potential.

29. We can be intense.

When we’re passionate about something, we can be quite intense. This intensity can be a bit overwhelming for some people, but it’s also one of the things that makes us so successful. We’re never afraid to go after what we want, and we’ll stop at nothing to achieve our goals.

30. We can be stubborn.

ESTJs can be quite stubborn. We’re very set in our ways, and we don’t like change. Plus, we have strong opinions, and we’re not afraid to voice them. We aren’t always the most open-minded people, and if you’re dating an ESTJ, be prepared for some heated debates!

31. We are always looking out for our loved ones.

Even though we can be independent, we’re always looking out for people we care about. We’re very protective of those close to us, and we’ll do anything to make sure they’re happy and safe. Sometimes, we can come across as cold, but we have big hearts and can be extremely caring.

Share this post to help other people understand ESTJ dating

We hope this provides insight into what makes ESTJs tick and helps make your relationship a little smoother. Remember, we’re all unique individuals, so not everything on this list will apply to every ESTJ – but it should give you a good starting point.

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out our other post on ESTJ compatibility. Or perhaps you’re an ESTJ, and you’d like your partner to understand you on a deeper level? Share this post with them and see what they think.

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