ESTJs are traditionalists who value order, loyalty, and stability in relationships. They are committed to their partners and can be counted on for support in times of need. ESTJs are typically honest, direct communicators who take commitment seriously and strive to uphold their promises. Although ESTJs may not always openly show it, they care deeply about their relationships and put a lot of effort into making them work. When it comes to compatibility, ESTJs seek out partners who share their values and will be supportive companions in life.
ESTJ relationships basics
When an ESTJ enters into a relationship, they often bring a lot of enthusiasm and energy to the table. ESTJs are naturally organized, so they may make sure that everything is taken care of in the relationship, such as making sure there are plans for the weekend or taking care of daily tasks. Some people might view them as bossy, but for ESTJs, it’s simply a way to make sure that nothing falls through the cracks.
ESTJs are one of the most dedicated personality types, and they don’t take commitment lightly. This means that when they enter into a relationship, they do so wholeheartedly. They are loyal and will strive to make the relationship work. In addition, people of this personality type take relationships seriously, so they won’t be quick to jump into something without giving it some thought.
ESTJs tend to be practical and logical when it comes to how they deal with matters on a daily basis, and their approach to relationships is no different. They are the kind of people to suggest realistic solutions to relationship problems instead of talking about them for hours on end. In fact, they can see this as a waste of time since they are more comfortable taking immediate action and don’t like to overthink things.
People of the ESTJ personality type tend to avoid casual relationships. They take commitment seriously and only enter into relationships that they feel have the potential to last. One of the reasons for this is that they have a strong desire for safety and security in all areas of their lives, including relationships. This means that they can find the idea of a fleeting, short-term fling to be quite unappealing.
ESTJ relationships in depth
ESTJs can find it difficult to express their feelings directly through words. Instead, they are more likely to show they care through practical and helpful actions. For example, picking up the groceries or running errands to make the partner’s life easier. They do this because they want to be of service and make their partners’ lives easier.
When it comes to romance, ESTJs are known for being quite traditional. They may prefer to stick to the classic date night ideas such as dinner and a movie, but they also appreciate a good surprise. ESTJs can be romantic at times, and you can expect them to put a lot of effort into making their partners feel special. Grand gestures aren’t uncommon because they like to show their partner how much they care.
ESTJs are known for being supportive and encouraging partners who value relationships that are built on trust and mutual respect. As natural problem-solvers, they are always willing to offer their advice and provide the necessary guidance to people they care about. In addition, ESTJs have a strong work ethic and are likely to encourage their partners to succeed in whatever it is that they choose to do. They’ll be your biggest cheerleader.
At times, ESTJs can be quite possessive, and they may not understand the need for personal space. This can cause tension in relationships, so it’s important that communication is open from both sides. This isn’t true of all ESTJs, but you’re more likely to find this trait in people of this type than others. In addition, ESTJs can be quite set in their ways and may not be willing to compromise when it comes to certain issues.
ESTJ compatibility basics
In terms of compatibility, ESTJs need someone who is trustworthy and follows through on their word. Dependability is another trait that they value because they value stability and predictability. Someone who constantly cancels dates or is unreliable in any way can be a major red flag for ESTJs. They need to be able to trust that their partner is going to be there for them and, of course, they will do the same in return.
Another key factor for ESTJs when it comes to compatibility is that they look for someone who has an easy-going and light-hearted attitude that helps them to loosen up. They are naturally rigid and structured people who can benefit from having a partner who brings balance to their lives. In addition, they are generally attracted to people who are independent and have their own passions and interests.
That isn’t to say they don’t want intimacy, though. In short, ESTJs work best with partners who don’t try to control them and understand that they need their independence in order to thrive. As goal-oriented and driven types, they appreciate having a partner who will add value to their lives and help them to achieve their ambitions. This doesn’t have to be in practical ways; it can simply be providing a safe, accepting environment and emotional support.
ESTJ compatibility in depth
ESTJs don’t do well in relationships where there is a lot of emotional drama and misunderstandings. This is because they don’t have a lot of patience for this kind of behavior. If their partner is consistently trying to stir things up or over-analyzing every little thing, they will quickly get frustrated. Essentially, they suit partners who say it as it is and just get on with it.
People of this personality type also need someone who is willing to stand up for themselves and challenge them once in a while. It’s not that they want a constant battle, but rather, they need someone who can keep them in check. ESTJs are strong-willed characters who need a partner who can hold their own. After all, one of the biggest things they look for in a relationship is mutual respect.
ESTJs work best with partners who will join them in doing whatever they have going on. As natural planners and ‘doers,’ they thrive in relationships where they can share activities and make memories with their partners. The perfect weekend for an ESTJ would likely involve going on some kind of fun adventure, such as camping or perhaps a road trip.
ESTJ compatibility chart
While every personality type pairing can work in relationships, some are more likely to see success than others. Here is our compatibility chart that shows the potential for ESTJ relationships with different personality types.
ESTJ strengths in relationships
The following strengths are typical of ESTJs in relationships.
1. Supportive. ESTJs are extremely supportive of their partners and will do whatever is necessary to help them reach their goals. This could mean providing practical advice, lending a hand with chores around the home, or simply being there as an emotional rock.
2. Dedicated. ESTJs are dedicated when it comes to relationships and will do whatever it takes to make them strong and lasting. They are devoted partners who are prepared to work hard to create a healthy and solid foundation with their partners.
3. Rational. ESTJs are rational, and they naturally focus on details. This means that they are excellent problem solvers and can often take a logical approach when it comes to resolving conflict, which can be a great asset in relationships.
4. Reliable. ESTJs are reliable and responsible—two qualities that can go a long way in ensuring a relationship runs smoothly. They are dependable partners and always strive to stick to their word and follow through on their promises.
ESTJ weaknesses in relationships
The following weaknesses can be typical of ESTJs in relationships.
1. Narrow-minded. ESTJs can be narrow-minded and may be unable to see their partner’s point of view, especially when it differs from their own, because they can be very set in their ways. This can lead to arguments and disagreements, which can be damaging to the relationship.
2. Judgmental. ESTJs can be judgmental and may be critical of their partners if they don’t live up to their own high standards. If their partner doesn’t behave in a way that they deem acceptable, they can quickly become frustrated and critical. They aren’t the kind of people who live and let live.
3. Insensitive. ESTJs aren’t the most sensitive personality type and can be quite blunt at times. This means that they may not always be aware of how their words or actions could affect their partners, so they can unintentionally hurt them. They sometimes forget that not everyone is as rational as they are.
4. Controlling. ESTJs have a tendency to be quite controlling and can often struggle to let go of the reigns. This often stems from their need for stability, which leads them to try to control outcomes. Essentially, letting other people take charge doesn’t come naturally to people of this type.
ESTJ falling in love basics
While they aren’t emotional types, ESTJs can actually fall in love quite quickly when they meet the right person. That’s not to say they don’t need time to get to know someone, but when their minds are made up, they can be very decisive.
It’s not always easy to tell if an ESTJ is in love. In fact, they may come across as quite serious and even aloof at first. But when you are able to crack their tough exterior, you may find a warm and affectionate person who is actually a romantic at heart.
Once an ESTJ does fall in love, they will give themselves fully, as long as their partner is reliable and trustworthy. They need to feel secure in the relationship, so they will look for a partner who won’t rock the boat unnecessarily. ESTJs rarely meet people with whom they feel a strong sense of compatibility, so when they do, they don’t hesitate to commit.
ESTJ falling in love in depth
When an ESTJ is in love, they will use their practical nature to think of ways in which to improve their partner’s life and the relationship. This could come in the form of offering help with day-to-day tasks or planning activities together. They will also be thorough in the advice that they offer and patient with their partner’s progress.
As extroverts, ESTJs thrive on social interaction and love to spend quality time with their partner. They also enjoy being able to show off their partner to others and will often be the ones initiating social plans.
It’s worth noting that even when an ESTJ is in love, they might not immediately express their feelings verbally. Showing emotions is not their strong suit, and they may feel more comfortable letting their partner know how they feel through actions rather than words.
ESTJ flirting style basics
ESTJs tend to be quite direct when it comes to flirting. They often come on strong and make their intentions known. Subtle hints and covert flirting tactics are not their styles. Instead, they believe they should be upfront when they are interested in someone to get the desired results.
As naturally dominant personality types, ESTJs are comfortable taking the lead and making all the necessary moves. This can be seen as a highly attractive trait to potential partners, as it shows that the ESTJ is confident and assertive. When they like someone, they may be forthright in trying to learn more about them or make suggestive comments.
As we discussed, ESTJs can take time to express their feelings, but this doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy a good flirt. They will often use flirting as a way of testing out the waters before diving into a commitment, and they will carefully note the other person’s responses.
ESTJ flirting style in depth
It’s generally easy to tell when an ESTJ is flirting with you, and you won’t be left questioning their intentions. They also enjoy making jokes and being witty as part of their flirting repertoire. It’s common for people of this personality type to tease their crush, and they may even subtly push them out of their comfort zone in order to get a reaction.
When an ESTJ does decide that someone is worthy of their attention, they can be quite generous with compliments and gifts. They are busy people who have a lot of plates spinning, but they will carve out time for the person that they are interested in.
As traditional people, ESTJs may prefer to follow conventional courtship rituals. This holds true even with simple gestures like holding hands, surprising them with dinner dates, or opening doors. They certainly know how to make people feel special, which is one of the reasons they are natural flirts.
ESTJ communication style basics
ESTJs are known for their big personalities, and this extends to how they communicate with others. They are direct and honest in their conversations, often leaving little room for ambiguity or confusion. In order to get their points across, they typically use a lot of facts, figures, and data that they’ve gathered on the topic at hand.
As with all areas of their lives, ESTJs appreciate efficiency when it comes to communication. They often like to get right to the point, and they can be impatient with people who beat around the bush. Conversations that go around in circles can be particularly frustrating for people of this personality type.
ESTJs are naturally outspoken and like to put forward their opinions, which can sometimes come across as aggressive. They often assume that their views are correct and can struggle to understand why others don’t share the same opinion. ESTJs may also be quick to judge or criticize others, and they can be quite blunt in the process.
ESTJ communication style in depth
ESTJs prefer to communicate in practical and direct ways, often opting to keep conversations focused on relevant topics and avoiding any unnecessary details. They don’t usually like to get into long-winded discussions, as they prefer to remain focused on tangible and actionable goals.
In general, they prefer talking about real-world topics rather than abstract concepts or ideas. For example, they often enjoy discussing current events, politics, sports, news stories, and business matters. They can struggle to maintain interest in conversations that are too abstract or philosophical because they don’t really see the point.
ESTJs are often natural presenters and can be quite persuasive in their arguments. They are often good at making logical and well-informed points that can sway audiences to their side. In addition, their confidence and strong personalities can help them win over their audience and gain trust. In large groups, ESTJs are often the ones to take charge and lead a discussion.
ESTJ sex basics
ESTJs approach sex with a sense of practicality. They prefer to have set patterns and routines when it comes to physical intimacy because they like to know what to expect. For example, they may have a preferred time of day, type of music, or lighting that helps make things more enjoyable. That said, they can be spontaneous if you catch them at the right time.
ESTJs are primarily interested in the physical aspect of sex, and they tend to prefer a straightforward approach. They may not be the most romantic or imaginative sexual partners, but they are often generous and attentive when it comes to their partner’s pleasure.
People of this type can be open to experimenting and trying new things in the bedroom as long as it makes sense to them. They are highly active people and will often find themselves initiating sex. In general, they are quite confident and direct in their approach to physical intimacy.
ESTJ sex in depth
When it comes to sex, ESTJs exhibit quite a bit of variety. Some may be more tactile lovers who greatly enjoy physical contact. Others may view sex as a way to bond with their partner. Either way, ESTJs are respectful partners who often value communication and feedback during sex to make sure both parties get the most out of it.
ESTJs like to be in control and will often take the dominant role in the bedroom. This is not to say that they are pushy or demanding, but rather that they like to be the ones making decisions and guiding things along. However, they can be open to switching roles if it means that their partner will enjoy it more.
In general, ESTJs are comfortable with casual sex. They don’t usually have an issue with having a one-night stand or short-term flings. However, this varies depending on the individual. People of this personality type don’t find it hard to detach from their emotions, and this makes it easier for them to engage in casual sex without getting attached.
ESTJ best matches
ESTJs are ambitious and dedicated people who look for a teammate when it comes to relationships. They work best with partners who help them to lighten up and take life less seriously.
1. ESTJ – ISFP relationships: On one hand, ESTJs are attracted to the easy-going, passionate, and creative nature of ISFPs. ISFPs help them relax and let loose now and again. On the other hand, ISFPs are attracted to the deliberate, ambitious, and dedicated nature of ESTJs. ESTJs help them focus and bring out their potential.
2. ESTJ – ISTP relationships: On one hand, ESTJs are attracted to the hands-on, understated, and adaptable nature of ISTPs. ISTPs balance out their need for structure and encourage them to explore. On the other hand, ISTPs are attracted to the decisive, confident, and committed nature of ESTJs. ESTJs help them stay on track and reach their goals.
ESTJ compatibility with all personality types
We have comprehensive guides to the compatibility of ESTJs with each personality type. Click the links below to read each one.
Final thoughts on ESTJ compatibility & relationships
Overall, ESTJs seek relationships that are stable, secure, and deeply meaningful. They crave predictability and stability while at the same time wanting an emotional connection with their partner. The best matches for an ESTJ are those who can provide them with the security they need while also being able to help them open up and express their feelings. While they might not be the most romantic or outgoing type, ESTJs can be incredibly passionate and loyal lovers when they meet the right person.