Love vs Lust: 9 Key Ways to Tell The Difference

Love versus Lust and how to spot the difference

Love and lust can be hard to tell apart. They both feel good, and they both make you want to do crazy things. But there are key differences between the two that you need to know in order to make the best decisions for yourself. In this blog post, we will explore 9 of the most important ways to tell the difference between love and lust.

Love and lust are two very different things. Love is a deep, meaningful feeling that comes from the heart. Lust is a craving or thirst for physical pleasure. Here are nine ways to tell the difference between love and lust!

Love vs Lust: 9 Key Ways to Tell The Difference

1. Love is selfless, while lust is selfish.

Love is selfless because it is based on giving, not receiving. When you love someone, you want to put their needs before your own and do what’s best for them. Lust is selfish because it is based on taking, not giving. When you lust after someone, you only care about what you can get from them – your own pleasure and satisfaction.

2. Love is patient and kind, while lust is impatient and demanding.

When it comes to love vs lust, love is patient because it is based on a strong, committed foundation. When you’re in love, you know that you’re in it for the long haul, so there’s no desire to hurry things along. Lust is impatient because it is fueled by desire and physical attraction, which often fades quickly. You want that person here and now and then, and once you’ve satisfied that immediate feeling, you’re done.

3. Love brings happiness, while lust brings excitement.

When you are in love with someone, you feel happy just being around them. You feel peaceful and content just by knowing that they are okay. Someone once said that “lust feels like a hot and cold shower, but love feels like lowering yourself into a warm relaxing bath.” This is a perfect metaphor for love vs lust. When you are only interested in someone sexually, the feeling of happiness fades and is replaced by excitement – which can be an equally intense emotion.

4. Love is accepting, while lust is judgmental.

A person who is in love is accepting of their partner for who they are, both inside and out. They don’t focus on superficial things like appearance or wealth. They care about the person’s character. A person who is lustful, on the other hand, is often judgmental and may be looking for a partner who meets certain physical or societal standards.

5. Love is gentle, while lust is harsh.

People who are in love are typically very kind and gentle with their partner. They take the time to get to know their partner on a deeper level, which reinforces the fact that they are a human being with feelings. People who are lustful, on the other hand, can be very aggressive and demanding. It’s a lot more about passion rather than mutual care and respect. Essentially, lust doesn’t depend on tender feelings and emotional attachment.

6. Love is committed, while lust is fleeting.

People who are in love are committed to their relationship. They want to be together for the long haul and are willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. People who are lustful, on the other hand, often have a “one and done” mentality because feelings of attachment aren’t involved. They’re generally not interested in anything that’s more than a casual fling. When it comes to love vs lust, it’s important to understand the difference in the longevity of these feelings, and how that impacts the relationship dynamic.

7. Love grows over time, while lust fades over time.

This is true in most cases. Love is based on a strong foundation, and it grows over time. You meet someone, you feel those butterflies, your feelings grow, and before you know it, their happiness is your happiness, and you’re falling in love. Lust, on the other hand, is fueled by desire, excitement, and physical attraction, which is harder to maintain. This is why love usually lasts longer than lust.

8. Love is enduring, while lust is fleeting.

Love lasts over time, while lust is short-lived. When you are in love with someone, the feeling grows stronger over time. You see yourself with them for the long term or maybe even forever, so there’s no rush. But when you are only lusting after someone, the feeling fades as soon as the person is out of sight. You want them then and there, and once you have had your fix, the feeling fades.

9. Love is the ultimate goal, while lust is a means to an end.

When someone is in love, they want to be with their partner for the rest of their life. When someone is lusting after someone, they are only interested in the physical aspects of the relationship, and they will likely move on once they’ve gotten what they want. Neither is right nor wrong, and both love and lust can serve us at different stages of our lives and in different situations.


Why does it matter? 

It’s important to know the key difference between lust vs love in order to help you understand the relationship you’re in and the relationship you want.

Maybe right now, you’re not in the right place to have an emotional relationship. You’re busy, and you just aren’t able to give that kind of relationship the time and attention it needs. To be able to notice when your connection shifts from physical (lust) to emotional (love) means you’re able to pump the breaks and communicate with your partner to let them know that you aren’t in the right space to do that.

This also works the other way around. Maybe you’re actively looking for a serious long-term relationship, but you feel like the other person doesn’t want things to move past the physical. You can recognize the signs that maybe this isn’t the right kind of relationship for you and either talk to your partner or find someone who is on the same wavelength as you.

Can lust become love? 

Lust can turn into love, and these feelings can also overlap. But it’s important to realize that feeling lust doesn’t guarantee a relationship based on love.

Lust can often blind people. This means that even though you might feel physically attracted and drawn to someone, you can often overlook “red flags” like selfishness or dishonesty. Feelings of lust and physical attraction can get in the way of rationale and logic, so it’s good to remind yourself that just because you feel a physical connection doesn’t mean there will be a genuine and meaningful emotional connection. This is why it’s so important to differentiate between love vs lust.

As we’ve seen from the earlier points, once lust fades away, it’s hard to sustain a healthy and loving relationship. There are a number of ways you can tell if what you have is just a physical connection or if it’s deeper.

Here are some signs that it’s lust, not love:

  • You spend most of your time focusing on physical intimacy as opposed to emotional intimacy. When you’re not being physically intimate, you’re not as interested in each other.
  • Your partner doesn’t have much interest in getting to know you beyond the bedroom. Talking about your hopes and dreams? Your day at work? Wanting to meet your friends? If they aren’t into it, then that’s a sign that it is lust.
  • They are unwilling to make plans with you for the future. Living together, future holidays, where you see your careers and lives going; these are all things that someone who loves you and sees the long-term plans with you will be willing to discuss.
  • If it often seems like you have different values, this could also be another sign that it is lust. Love and companionship require mutual respect and shared values. It’s not that every single one of your points of view needs to be identical, but if you feel like your biggest connection is just the physical, and then your values don’t align, then this is a sign that it is lust, not love.

How can you tell if the person you’re with is in love or lust with you?

So how can you tell if your partner is head over heels in love with you or whether it’s lust? You can evaluate their actions and go over each and every text message until you’re blue in the face, but the truth is that (just like every part of a relationship) it all comes down to communication.

An open, honest, and direct conversation is the best way to work out what you both want. If you’re looking to work out how that person is feeling you’re best off starting by discussing what you want and how you’d like to see the relationship develop, and then letting your partner respond to your points. This can help to avoid the awkward “on the spot” confrontational feeling that some people can experience after the “what are we” question.

It’s never easy to open your heart up and be vulnerable but having an open conversation means that either way you are in control. If you know you want the relationship to be more than something physical, being stuck in a limbo state, wondering where they see your relationship going, can be damaging in the long run.

And if you don’t see yourself wanting to take things past the physical, it’s always better to discuss this with your partner so they can adjust their expectations and be on the same page.

Love vs lust in a nutshell

So there you have it! These are 9 of the most important ways to tell the difference between love and lust, and why it’s important. Lust can so often feel like love, and in the ‘honeymoon’ stage of all relationships, you want to rip each other’s clothes off. It’s when these feelings calm down that you can see if there are genuine feelings there for each other. And if there aren’t those feelings left over then you know where you both stand.

If you enjoyed this blog post, you might also enjoy 16 Personality Types Falling in Love or What Are the Bases in Dating?

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