In many relationships, sex is an important aspect of intimacy and connection. However, for some couples, the desire for sexual activity may diminish over time or be absent altogether. This can lead to a sexless relationship, which can have its own unique set of challenges.
In this guide, we delve into the complexities of a sexless relationship, common causes, and tips for navigating this situation. Understanding and addressing the root causes of a sexless relationship is essential to be able to work through this challenge If you understand why the sex has stopped, you can begin to make positive changes if you want to. While the success of navigating through a sexless relationship often hinges on the effort and communication of both partners, it is possible to overcome this obstacle and continue to have a fulfilling sexual relationship.
So, let’s explore the complexities of a sexless relationship and learn how to navigate it.
What is a sexless relationship?
A sexless relationship is typically defined as one where partners engage in sexual activity very infrequently or not at all. The exact definition varies from person to person, but it is generally defined by sex therapists as having sex less than 10 times per year.
Based on this definition, 15-20% of people in relationships across the UK and US report having a sexless relationship. The percentage increases as couples get older, with approximately 25% of couples over 50 reporting having a sexless marriage.
However, it’s essential to note that the frequency of sex is subjective and can vary from couple to couple; what may be considered a ‘normal’ frequency for one pair could be ‘excessive’ or ‘scarce’ for another. You might compare yourself to different couples, but at the end of the day, only you and your partner can determine what’s right for your relationship.
While numbers can be helpful guidelines, remember that a sexless relationship should not be solely defined by the frequency of sexual activity. It also encompasses the quality and satisfaction level of any sexual interactions between partners.
Rather than focusing on how infrequently sex occurs, it’s more important to understand why this is happening and how both partners feel about it. This leads us to explore the potential causes of a sexless relationship.
9 common causes of a sexless relationship
There are many possible explanations for why a couple may experience a decrease in their sexual desire or frequency. Identifying why it’s happening in your relationship can help determine the best course of action to address it. Here are nine common causes of a sexless relationship:
1. Physical health issues: Physical health issues can impact libido and sexual functioning. This includes things like chronic pain, menopause and hormonal changes, or medication side effects among others. These issues can affect both men and women, making it physically difficult to engage in sexual activity. It’s important to remember that some physical issues can be short-term, and healing can help restore sexual desire.
2. Mental health concerns: Stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders can have a significant impact on someone’s sex drive. Emotional well-being is closely linked to libido, and if there are issues present, it can hinder sexual desire and performance.
3. Relationship dynamics: Communication issues, conflict, and unresolved resentments can all create problems in a relationship that may lead to a lack of sexual intimacy. When there is tension or disconnection between partners, it can be challenging to feel emotionally or physically connected.
4. Routine and boredom: As relationships progress and become more comfortable, it’s common for couples to fall into a routine or get bored with their sex lives. The excitement of trying new things may fade, leading to a decrease in sexual desire.
5. Work stress: Work-related stress and busy schedules can take a toll on people’s sex drive. If you or your partner are constantly exhausted and stressed by work, it can be challenging to find the energy or motivation for sexual activity at the end of the day.
6. Physical distance: In long-distance relationships, it can be challenging to find time for physical intimacy. This lack of time together can contribute to a decrease in sexual frequency but not necessarily desire. In fact, distance can sometimes intensify sexual desire, it’s just about finding creative ways to fulfill that desire. You can also make up for lost time when you are physically together. We’ve got 27 long-distance date ideas for keeping the spark alive to get you inspired.
7. Lack of attraction: As relationships progress, physical attraction may change for some couples. This doesn’t mean a lack of love or connection; it’s just a natural part of human sexuality. However, if one partner is no longer physically attracted to the other, it can impact their sexual desire and lead to a sexless relationship.
8. Childbirth and parenting: Having children can significantly impact a couple’s sex life. The physical toll of childbirth, coupled with the added responsibilities of being a parent, can make it challenging to find time or energy for sexual activity. Additionally, new parents may experience changes in their bodies and self-esteem, which can also influence their sexual desire.
9. Different or mismatched libidos: Finally, one of the most apparent causes for a sexless relationship could be that a partner has a significantly higher or lower libido than the other. One partner may feel like they are in a sexless relationship, while the other feels content with the frequency of sexual activity or even overwhelmed by how much sex they’re having. This mismatch in libidos can create misunderstandings between partners, especially if there is also a lack of communication. Ultimately, one person’s perception of a sexless relationship can be different from another’s.
These common causes are not exhaustive, and there can be many other reasons why a couple might experience a decrease in sexual desire or frequency. However, they are a good starting point for self-reflection and understanding. If you are in a sexless relationship and want to improve it, the most important step is to identify the root cause and communicate openly with your partner. Only then can you work together to find solutions and reconnect both emotionally and physically. Remember that every relationship is unique, and the key to a fulfilling sex life is finding what works for you and your partner.
11 tips for navigating a sexless relationship
It’s important to start by saying that not all sexless relationships need to be “fixed.” If both partners are content with the frequency and quality of their sexual interactions, then there’s not necessarily a problem.
However, if one or both partners feel dissatisfied with the level of sexual intimacy, there are steps to take to navigate this situation. In fact, 75% of people in sexless marriages have reported at least one partner who is unhappy with their sex life.
Rekindling physical intimacy in a sexless relationship is a gradual process that often evolves from emotional reconnection. Here are some tips on how to navigate a sexless relationship and reignite the spark:
1. Identify the root cause: As mentioned earlier, understanding why a sexless relationship is happening is crucial to finding a solution. Take a look at the nine common causes listed above and see which ones may apply to your situation. Once you know why, you can target specific strategies to address the issue.
2. Communicate with your partner: Communication is essential in any relationship, but it becomes even more critical when there are unaddressed issues. Be open and honest with your partner about how you feel, but also listen to their perspective without judgment or defensiveness. Use “I” statements when discussing sensitive topics, such as “I feel disconnected from you because we don’t have sex anymore,” instead of blaming or accusing.
3. Explore non-sexual intimacy: Physical touch doesn’t always have to lead to sex. Find other ways to connect physically, such as holding hands, cuddling, giving massages, or even just a hug. These forms of physical intimacy can help you feel closer and more connected with your partner.
4. Prioritize spending time together: With busy schedules and the demands of everyday life, it’s easy to put aside couple time in favor of other responsibilities. However, making an effort to spend quality time together can help strengthen emotional and physical bonds. Schedule date nights or make a point to have meaningful conversations with your partner regularly.
5. Try new things together: As relationships progress, we can fall into a routine and forget to make time for fun and excitement. Trying new activities or hobbies together can bring back the spark in your relationship. It doesn’t have to be something extravagant; even small changes in your daily routines can make a big difference.
6. Work on emotional intimacy: As mentioned earlier, emotional connection is often a crucial component of physical intimacy. Take the time to understand each other’s needs and work on strengthening your emotional bond through open communication, support, and understanding. Check-in with each other and talk about any work or personal stressors that may be affecting your overall mood. Ask your partner about their mental and emotional state, and be there for each other during difficult times. By prioritizing emotional intimacy, you may find that physical intimacy naturally follows. Try these 100 intimacy questions for couples for some great conversation starters.
7. Start the day on a high: Foreplay starts from the moment you wake up. By foreplay, I don’t mean sexual activity but rather small acts of affection and appreciation throughout the day. Start by cuddling in the morning and kissing them goodbye, then take your partner a coffee and send them a sweet text during the day saying how excited you are to see them in the evening. These small gestures can help build anticipation, strengthen emotional intimacy, and increase the likelihood of sexual activity later on.
8. Work out when the best time for sex is: We all have different natural rhythms and energy levels throughout the day. By working out when you and your partner are most likely to be in the mood, you can set aim for that time of day to connect sexually. It could be first thing in the morning when you have the most energy, right before bed when you’re more relaxed, or even during your lunch break when it feels more exciting.
9. Schedule intimacy: While it may not sound romantic, scheduling time for intimacy can be helpful in a sexless relationship. When both partners have busy schedules, planning ahead and dedicating specific times for sexual activity can make sure it doesn’t get pushed to the bottom of the priority list. It can also help build anticipation and excitement, knowing that you have a set time for intimacy.
10. Seek professional help: If the issues in your sexless relationship run deeper than what you and your partner can address on your own, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or relationship counselor can provide a safe and unbiased space for both partners to share their feelings and work towards finding solutions. They can also offer valuable tools and techniques to improve intimacy in the relationship.
11. Be patient and understanding: Rekindling sexual intimacy takes time and effort, so it’s essential to be patient with yourself and your partner. Don’t get discouraged if things don’t change overnight; keep putting in the effort and be understanding of each other’s needs. It may take some trial and error to find what works for you, but with patience, you can reignite the spark.
In conclusion, navigating a sexless relationship requires open communication, patience, and a willingness to work together with your partner. By exploring these different strategies, and seeking professional help if needed, you can improve overall intimacy. Not all of these tips may apply to every relationship, so it’s essential to find what works best for you. Every relationship is unique, and it’s crucial to find a solution that works best for both individuals involved.
Final thoughts
In conclusion, navigating a sexless relationship can be challenging, but it’s definitely not impossible. By understanding the cause of your sexless relationship and actively working towards improving intimacy, you can reignite the spark and strengthen your physical connection with your partner.
While some couples may be content with a non-sexual relationship, for others, physical intimacy is an essential aspect of their romantic partnership. If this is the case for you or your partner, don’t be afraid to communicate openly and honestly about your sexual needs and desires. Communicating is a fundamental step to rebuilding a healthy and fulfilling sex life in your relationship.
From there, you can try different strategies, such as prioritizing quality time together, exploring new activities and hobbies, and even scheduling time for intimacy. Remember to be patient, understanding, and open-minded in this journey of reigniting the spark in your sexless relationship. Things are unlikely to change overnight, but with effort and dedication, you can find a solution that works for both of you. And if you feel you cannot address the issues on your own, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
Finally, always remember that every relationship is unique, and what works for others may not work for you. Comparing your relationship to others or feeling pressure to conform to societal norms can be damaging. Focus on understanding and meeting your own needs, as well as those of your partner, in a way that works for both of you. With effort, communication, and understanding, you can overcome the challenges of a sexless relationship and build a stronger, more intimate connection with your partner.
If these tips and tricks don’t work, check out when to walk away from a sexless marriage for some more insights.
