Marriage is, at its core, a relationship built on intimacy – emotional, physical, and mental. In the vows we exchange, we often promise to be there for one another through the good times and the bad. This commitment comes with the implicit agreement to maintain a certain level of connection, including sexual intimacy. But what happens when that physical closeness fades, leaving your marriage in a state of prolonged abstinence? Knowing when to walk away from a sexless marriage can be a difficult decision, but it’s one that may ultimately lead to personal growth and improved happiness.
This article can guide you through the complex and emotional decision of when it may be time to walk away from a sexless marriage. It offers a balanced perspective on a sexless marriage, shedding light on the potential causes, the impact on relationship health, and when it may be time to walk away.
Ultimately, knowing when to walk away from a sexless marriage is a completely personal decision, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. However, by knowing what to consider when thinking about walking away from a sexless marriage, you can make an informed decision that is best for your own well-being.
What is a sexless marriage?
Before we can even think about walking away, we must understand what a sexless marriage really is. By popular definition, a sexless marriage is one in which the couple has sex fewer than 10 times per year or, according to some sources, fewer than once a month. Based on this, 15-20% of people in marriages across the UK and US report having a sexless marriage. Unsurprisingly, the percentage increases as couples get older, with approximately 25% of couples over 50 reporting having a sexless marriage.
However, it’s essential to note that the frequency of sex is subjective and can vary from couple to couple; what may be considered a ‘normal’ frequency for one marriage could be ‘excessive’ or ‘scarce’ for another. You can compare notes with different couples, but at the end of the day, only you and your spouse can determine what’s right for your marriage.
While numbers can be helpful guidelines, it’s important to remember that a sexless marriage should not be solely defined by the frequency of sexual activity. It’s also important to consider the quality and satisfaction level of any sexual interactions between partners. A couple may have sex occasionally, but if it lacks emotional connection or is physically unsatisfying for one or both partners, it can still be considered a sexless marriage.
The impact of a sexless marriage on your life
Understanding the impact of a sexless marriage can help you decide when it’s time to walk away. The lack of sexual intimacy in a marriage can have consequences on both partners and the relationship as a whole.
For some individuals, sex is an essential part of feeling connected and desired by their partner. When that connection is missing, they may feel unloved, undesirable, or even betrayed. As a result, this can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration. Over time, these negative emotions can build up and seriously damage the relationship. In some cases, a sexless marriage can also breed infidelity or lead to one partner seeking sexual fulfillment outside of the marriage. This is never a healthy or sustainable solution and can ultimately lead to the downfall of the relationship.
Aside from emotional consequences, a sexless marriage can also have physical effects on your health. Regular sexual activity has been linked to stress reduction, pain relief, prostate benefits for men, and improved sleep. A lack of sexual activity can, therefore, lead to increased stress levels, pain, and potential health issues. So, not only does a sexless marriage affect your emotional well-being, but it can also have an impact on your physical health.
However, it’s important to start by saying that not all sexless relationships need to be “fixed.” If both partners are content with the frequency and quality of their sexual interactions, then there’s not necessarily a problem. The issue arises when one or both partners feel unhappy and dissatisfied with the lack of physical intimacy.
Why do marriages become sexless?
Every marriage is unique, and the reasons for a decline in sexual intimacy can vary greatly from couple to couple. Understanding the causes of a sexless marriage can give you a clearer idea of when to walk away. Common causes of a sexless marriage can include:
1. Physical health issues: Physical health issues like chronic pain, menopause, hormonal changes, or medication side effects can impact libido and sexual functioning.
2. Mental health concerns: Stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders can also decrease sexual desire and contribute to a sexless marriage.
3. Relationship issues: Communication issues, conflict, and unresolved resentments can all create problems in a relationship that may lead to a lack of sexual intimacy.
4. Routine and boredom: As relationships progress and become more comfortable, it’s common for couples to fall into a routine or get bored with their sex lives.
5. Work stress: Work-related stress and busy schedules can take a toll on people’s sex drive and energy levels, making it difficult to find time for physical intimacy.
6. Lack of attraction: Over time, one or both partners may lose attraction towards the other physically, emotionally, or mentally. This can decrease sexual desire and lead to a sexless marriage.
7. Physical distance: In long-distance relationships or when partners have different work schedules, it can be challenging to find time for physical intimacy.
8. Childbirth and parenting: Having children can be a significant life transition that affects both partners physically, mentally, and emotionally. This can lead to a decrease in sexual activity.
It’s important to note that these are just some of the potential causes of a sexless marriage. Every marriage is unique and there may be multiple factors at play. Understanding the underlying reasons for a lack of physical intimacy is crucial when deciding whether or not to walk away from a sexless marriage.
7 points to consider when thinking about walking away from a sexless marriage
Deciding whether or not to end a marriage is a deeply personal and complex decision. It’s essential to take the time to evaluate your feelings and motivations before making any drastic decisions. Here are 7 potential signs that it may be time to walk away from a sexless marriage:
1. Unwillingness to address the issue: If your partner is completely unwilling to acknowledge or work on the lack of intimacy in the relationship, it may be a sign that walking away could be a necessary step. The inability or refusal to engage in open and honest communication about this sensitive topic can lead to feelings of frustration, isolation, and emotional distance. It may also signify a broader pattern of avoidance or neglect within the relationship, which could extend beyond just the issue of intimacy.
2. Emotional erosion: A sexless marriage can lead to the erosion of feelings of love, affection, connection, intimacy, and loyalty, potentially impacting the overall quality of the relationship. If this is the case, it may be time to consider whether the marriage is truly meeting your emotional needs. Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and sex can help deepen the emotional bond between partners. Feeling emotionally disconnected or alone in a marriage, as well as physically neglected, can be a strong indication that it may be time to walk away.
3. Resentment and anger: In a sexless marriage, it’s not uncommon for one or both partners to feel resentful or angry about the lack of physical intimacy. If these negative emotions are left unresolved and continue to build up over time, they can poison the relationship and make it difficult to maintain a healthy connection.
4. Infidelity: As mentioned earlier, a sexless marriage can sometimes lead to one partner seeking sexual fulfillment outside of the relationship. While infidelity is never an acceptable solution, it may be a sign that there are deeper issues within the marriage that need to be addressed. If you end up cheating on your partner or vice versa, it may be a sign that the marriage is not meeting both partners’ needs.
5. Recurring issues with no resolution: If the lack of sexual intimacy has been an ongoing issue in your marriage, and you’ve both attempted to address it multiple times without success, it may be a sign that the problem is too deeply ingrained to be fixed. Constantly repeating the same conversations and arguments about physical intimacy with no resolution can be exhausting to a relationship.
6. Therapy ineffectiveness: If attempts at therapy or counseling have proven ineffective in addressing the issue of intimacy, it may signal the need to reevaluate the future of the relationship. While therapy can be helpful in resolving conflicts and improving communication, it’s not a guarantee for every couple. If you’ve tried different forms of counseling without success, it may be time to explore other options.
7. Boundaries and self-care: Establishing and maintaining personal boundaries and prioritizing self-care are crucial aspects to consider when evaluating the impact of a sexless marriage on your well-being. If the lack of physical intimacy is causing you significant distress or impacting your mental health, it’s a sign that you need to make a change. Walking away from a sexless marriage may be difficult, but it can ultimately be necessary for your self-care and happiness.
These are a few factors to consider when deciding whether or not to walk away from a sexless marriage. Every situation is unique, and it’s ultimately up to you to determine what is best for your own well-being. You may also decide that staying in a sexless marriage is the best option for you, and that’s completely valid as well.
If you want to explore the possibility of saving your marriage, check out navigating the complexities of a sexless relationship. We delve into the challenges that couples face and provide 11 practical tips on how to navigate these complexities.
Knowing when to walk away from a sexless marriage
So, we’ve covered common causes of a sexless marriage and points to consider when thinking about walking away. But how do you know if it’s truly time to walk away? Here are some questions to ask yourself:
1. Are my partner and I both willing to work on our physical intimacy issues together?
2. Have we attempted therapy or counseling without success?
3. Is the lack of sexual intimacy causing significant distress or impacting my mental health?
4. Are there underlying emotional or relationship issues that are contributing to our lack of physical intimacy?
5. Am I willing to continue living in a sexless marriage indefinitely?
6. Do I feel emotionally fulfilled and connected in this marriage?
7. Am I prioritizing my own self-care and setting boundaries within the relationship?
8. Have we tried to address the issue multiple times without finding a solution?
9. Does the thought of leaving the marriage bring relief or fear?
Answering these questions honestly can give you a clearer understanding of your feelings towards your marriage. It will help you decide whether or not walking away is the best decision for you. It’s important to trust your instincts and have open and honest conversations with yourself and your partner. It can be challenging to make such a significant decision, especially when it involves ending a long-term relationship. It’s essential to take the time to evaluate your feelings and motivations honestly before making any drastic decisions.
Ultimately, only you can determine what is best for your emotional and physical well-being. Whatever choice you make, remember to think about your own happiness. You should also seek support from loved ones or a therapist as needed.
Final thoughts on when to walk away from a sexless marriage
In conclusion, a sexless marriage can be a complex and emotionally challenging situation to navigate. If you’re wondering about leaving your sexless marriage, it’s essential to consider the potential causes and considerations discussed in this article.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to relationships, and what works for others may not work for you. Take the time to reflect on your feelings, communicate with your partner, and think about your emotional and physical well-being when making a decision about your marriage.
Whatever you decide, know that there is support available for you and your partner, and you are not alone in your experience. With careful consideration and honest communication, you can find the best path for yourself and your relationship. Whether that means working on the relationship or walking away, the decision is ultimately up to you. So take your time, trust yourself, and make the best decision for your happiness and well-being.
