Sexless Marriage: Common Causes & What to Do

Sexless Marriage blog cover

For most people, sex is an important part of a relationship, but what do you do when the spark starts to fizzle out? It’s not uncommon for couples to go through phases where sex isn’t as frequent as it used to be. However, if this is ongoing, some couples can find themselves in a sexless marriage.

So, what actually is a sexless marriage? A sexless marriage is where the couple engages in little to no sexual activity. This can be due to a variety of reasons, such as lack of connection, fatigue, or boredom. It could also be a result of one or both people having different priorities.

This can feel like a difficult situation to navigate, but it is possible to get back on track. Let’s dive into how to overcome this problem and keep the flame alive.

What to do if you are in a sexless marriage

If you find yourself in a sexless marriage, open and honest communication is key. It’s important to share how you feel about the situation with your partner and to listen to their thoughts. Take the time to understand each other’s perspectives.

If you’re both comfortable in a sexless marriage, which is sometimes the case, it’s straightforward and you can continue as you were. If not, you’ll have to work out if there is an outcome that means you will both feel fulfilled. This isn’t always easy.

For example, if your sexual needs are fundamentally and significantly mismatched, or if you want to introduce something into your sex life that the other doesn’t, then it may be more difficult for both people to get what they want. In this case, you’ll need to figure out if there is a compromise that works for both of you.

If the problem is due to a lack of connection or boredom, couples can try to change things up. This could mean trying new activities together, setting aside more time to spend with each other, or even going to couples therapy.

Ultimately, every couple is different, and finding a solution that works for your relationship will be specific to your situation. In some cases, it can help to seek guidance from a trained professional.

Causes of a sexless marriage

Each situation is so different, but here are some common reasons that couples end up in a sexless marriage.

1. You’re always arguing.

If you’re constantly bickering with your spouse, it’s no wonder you’re not in the mood for sex. All that fighting can be a major turn-off and can leave you feeling angry and resentful instead of sexy and desired. If you want to get your sex life back on track, it’s important to find ways to resolve your differences without the drama.

2. You’re not attracted to your spouse anymore.

It’s normal for attraction to ebb and flow over the course of a relationship. But if you’ve completely lost interest in your partner, it can be tough to rekindle that sense of excitement. If you’re not sure what happened to that initial spark, it might be worth thinking about what’s changed that’s made your partner less appealing to you. Is it the way they treat you? Are they not looking after themselves like they used to? Perhaps you don’t feel like you have anything in common anymore? These are just a few examples of what could be going on.

3. You’re always tired.

Between work, kids, and the general stresses of life, it’s no wonder you don’t have the energy for sex all day, every day. But if you’re never in the mood because you’re always exhausted, it might be time to take a hard look at your lifestyle and see if there are any changes you can make. Maybe you need to cut back on caffeine or start going to bed earlier. Ultimately, we can only prioritize sex so many things in our lives. If sex is important to you and your partner, you might have to give up something else in order to make time for it.


4. You have different sex drives.

It’s not uncommon for couples to have different levels of sexual desire to some extent. One person might always be up for some in the bedroom, while the other would prefer to snuggle on the couch. This can obviously lead to some tension if one person is constantly pushing for sex when the other isn’t in the mood. If this is an issue in your marriage, it might be helpful to talk about why each person feels the way they do and see if there’s any middle ground that can be reached.

5. You never have time for each other.

In today’s busy world, it can be tough to find time for quality couple time, and that includes sex. If you and your spouse are always running around and not making time for each other, it’s no wonder your sex life has suffered as a result. A relationship without intimacy is likely to become strained and eventually fall apart. In order to have a thriving and fulfilling relationship, you need to make time for each other.

So these are some of the most common causes of a sexless marriage, but there are many more.

Tips for dealing with a sexless marriage

If you’re in a sexless marriage, here are some tips to help.

1. Talk about it.

As we have already touched on, the first step to fixing a sexless marriage is to talk about it. It can be difficult to bring up the topic, but it’s important to have an honest conversation with your partner about your needs and desires. If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, it can help to have a plan in place first so you know what you want to discuss. Open communication is the first step to rekindling the spark between you and creating an environment of openness and trust.

2. Set aside time for intimacy.

One of the best ways to fix a sexless marriage is to set aside time for intimacy. This may mean making time for date nights or scheduling sex into your week. It’s important to remember that quality and quantity are important, so try to make the time that you do spend together meaningful. Put away your phone and forget about that email that you need to reply to. If you want to repair your sex life, you’ll need to make it a priority.

3. Be present during sex.

Another way to improve your sex life is to be present during sex. This means being in the moment and focusing on your partner rather than letting your mind wander. One way to practice being present is to focus on your breath and the sensations you’re feeling during sex. This will help you to enjoy the act of sex itself and to be more connected to your partner. This is something that will take time, but the more you practice it, the easier it will become.


4. Engage in other intimate activities.

It can be difficult when physical intimacy isn’t happening as much as you’d like, but there are other activities that can bring couples closer together emotionally. For instance, cuddling on the couch while watching your favorite show or taking a romantic bath together are simple yet intimate ways to connect with your partner without having sex. You can also plan special dates together or spend quality time doing something both of you enjoy—anything from playing board games to going for walks outside.

5. Talk about what you like in the bedroom.

If you’re not sure what gets you aroused, try talking about it with your partner. Discussing your fantasies and desires can help make sexual encounters more enjoyable for both of you. It’s also important to communicate during sex so that you can let your partner know what feels good. The better sex is for both parties, the more likely it is that you will both be motivated to have sex on a regular basis. So making sure that your needs and desires are met is important for maintaining a healthy sex life.

6. Experiment with new things.

If you’re feeling stuck in a rut, try experimenting with new things in the bedroom. This could mean trying different positions, locations, or activities during sex. It’s important to keep an open mind and be willing to step outside of your comfort zone if you want to spice up your sex life. This ties in with the point above. If you can make sex exciting and enjoyable, you’re more likely to want to make it a part of your relationship.

7. Work through any underlying issues.

Sometimes, issues relating to sexual attraction have much deeper roots. It’s important to work through any underlying issues that might be impacting your sex life. This could mean addressing conflicts or dealing with any resentments that you might be harboring. There might be memories of past hurt or neglect that you need to work through. In some cases, people in sexless marriages have work to do on themselves as well as with their partners, such as practicing self-confidence and self-love.


8. Be patient.

It’s important to remember that a sexless marriage won’t change overnight, so be patient as you work on improving your sex life. There will likely be ups and downs along the way, but as long as you and your partner are committed to making things better, you’ll eventually get there. It can be a good idea to have regular check-ins to discuss how things are going and what changes can be made. Try to think of yourselves as a team trying to fix the problem together rather than two people who are pointing fingers.

9. Seek professional help.

If you find that you’re unable to resolve your issues, it may be helpful to seek advice from a trained professional. A therapist can help you discuss the issues in your relationship and provide guidance on how to move forward. Seeing a therapist can help you gain clarity on the problems, and it can be helpful to have an impartial third party provide advice. If you think that a medical condition might be impacting your sex life, you should seek medical help as well.

10. Take care of yourself.

It’s easy to forget about yourself when focusing on saving your marriage, but self-care should still be front and center in your mind. Make sure that you’re taking care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually so that you can show up as your best self in your relationship and in the bedroom. This could include anything from reading books before bedtime or going for runs around the neighborhood—whatever helps make you feel fulfilled, calm, and relaxed.

Sexless marriage FAQs

Let’s take a look at some sexless marriage FAQs.

Is it possible to maintain a deep connection without sex?

It is possible to maintain a deep connection without regular sex, but it’s uncommon. For most people, sex is a fundamental human need. However, it is possible for some couples to have a strong bond without regular sex for a long period of time, or even ever. This could be due to religious beliefs, health reasons, or a lack of desire. Ultimately, whether or not you can maintain a meaningful connection without sex depends on the needs of each individual.

While sex is an important part of many marriages, there are other ways to maintain intimacy and connection. Couples can spend time together talking or doing activities they enjoy. They can also find alternative ways to be physically close. Everyone has different needs, and for some people, sex is just not high on their list of priorities.

In fact, a portion of the population is asexual, meaning they do not experience sexual attraction. If they enter into a marriage, it will likely be for companionship, and sex may play less of a role, or no role at all.

Can a sexless marriage survive?

It’s hard to determine the likelihood of saving a sexless marriage; it all depends on the couple’s willingness to put in the effort to try and repair their relationship.

If you are both dedicated, it is highly likely that you will be able to resolve even deep-rooted issues. It might take time, but there’s a good chance that you’ll be able to rebuild a satisfying marital relationship that includes regular, fulfilling physical intimacy.

However, each situation is unique, and it is difficult to determine without first speaking with the couple. Therefore, if you think your sexless marriage might be struggling and in need of help, don’t wait for things to get worse. Take action now and follow our tips above to start rebuilding your bond.

What usually happens in a sexless marriage?

In some cases, sexless marriages can last for years or even decades. However, without physical intimacy, it is likely that the marriage will suffer.

The absence of intimacy often leads to isolation, frustration, resentment, and a feeling of hopelessness for both partners. It can lead to feelings of rejection, insecurity, and a sense that the relationship is no longer important. If these issues are not addressed, it can eventually lead to divorce. In a lot of cases, a sexless marriage goes hand in hand with feeling lonely in marriage.

Typically, if the issues aren’t addressed, couples in a sexless marriage will begin to drift apart, fail to communicate effectively, and are more likely to argue. It can become a downward spiral. This is why it’s so important to tackle the problem head-on and take steps to save your marriage. The longer you leave it, the longer the road to recovery.

Final thoughts on sexless marriages

Sexless marriages are common among couples who have been together for many years, but if sex is important to you, it shouldn’t be that way.

The good news is that your marriage doesn’t have to stay that way forever. With communication, getting to the root cause, and following a clear plan of action, you’ll be able to reignite the spark between yourselves again.

Don’t let this issue stop you from enjoying life with your partner. Remember that relationships take work, and when it’s someone you love, it’s worth fighting for.

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