We explore an ENFJ – INFJ relationship with Indy, from France, and Ben, from the UK. Indy and Ben met on So Syncd during lockdown in mid-April last year. Indy, an ENFJ who is 42, and Ben, an INFJ who is 43, live in France. Ben originally lived in the UK. However, not long after this interview with them, Ben moved to France to live permanently with Indy and then they got married. In this interview, they talk about connecting during a global pandemic, their mutual love for each other’s intuition and accidentally wearing matching outfits on their first date.
How the ENFJ – INFJ relationship started
With the easing of lockdown last July, Ben was able to travel to Paris to meet Indy and we talked to them only two days after they first met in person. It was the first time we had ever interviewed a So Syncd couple for our podcast, Personality Love Lab.
This incredible ENFJ – INFJ relationship started when Indy made contact first through the So Syncd app. “To start with, we both had the same idea to check on Google for ‘MBTI dating’,” explains Indy. “So Syncd appeared and I enrolled maybe 15 days before Ben signed up.” However, it wasn’t until Ben signed up that Indy decided to message first. “When I saw his picture and his description, I was like, ‘Okay, I will not let him go!’”
Ben also describes how they found each other super fast. “We hadn’t been on So Syncd for very long,” says Ben. “We were both kind of jaded with the dating apps that were already out there and we were aware of MBTI and thought we’d give it a go. We got talking and we just completely fell for each other.”
So Syncd dating profiles
The couple’s profiles on So Syncd immediately drew them together. “It was Indy’s honesty. And her ideas about spirituality and the bigger picture,” says Ben. “I think by our own admission, neither of us really do small talk that well. We like to think of big thoughts, big dreams. And we just ended up being fairly similar in our outlooks.”
Indy felt a similar connection. “I think it was the easy way that we came to communicate with each other. It felt like home very fast,” she explains.
So Syncd, with its personality type matching concept, does mean that people are on the same wavelength straightaway and have deeper conversations from the start. Plus, talking about personality types is a great conversation starter.
“We looked at the idea on your website about compatibility and matching,” says Ben. “I thought I’d give it a go and it just proved to be really accurate for us.”
Ben was first attracted to Indy’s intuition, her honesty and her ability to remain positive. “To be able to just identify the emotional context of a situation, whatever mood I may be in,” explains Ben. Being able to read each other well is a major positive of an ENFJ – INFJ relationship.
Indy felt an instant connection because of Ben’s empathetic nature, which is true to his INFJ personality type. “I was immediately attracted to Ben’s understanding of things in general of life, his deep thinking and also his understanding of me because he knows me very well,” says Indy. “He can see right through me. It’s pretty unique.”
The ENFJ – INFJ first date
Just days before this interview, and despite talking through So Syncd for months, Indy and Ben met up in Paris for the first time.
“We’ve been spending months since April talking, videoing and closely watching the news in the UK [to see when the travel restrictions would be lifted],” says Ben. “We finally met and we’ve spent the last few days together in Paris. It has been fantastic.”
Due to Covid though, their first date was actually on video, through Google Hangouts. “We made a bit of an evening of it because at the time when it happened during lockdown, I don’t think any of us knew where life was going at that point,” explains Ben. “We thought maybe this is just the way it’s going to be from now on, certainly for the next few months, so we got dressed up. It sounds crazy now but we thought we were just going to do it and have a bit of a laugh.”
They had wine and beer and made it an occasion but the most memorable part of the evening was that they were dressed alike. “We had matching outfits without talking,” says Indy. “It was strange. Ben was wearing a shirt with red hearts on it and I also had a red patterned shirt, but it was red lips on dark blue.”
The city of ENFJ – INFJ love
Their first date in person was even more incredible. When Ben arrived in Paris at Gare du Nord station, they both had to wear face masks because the lockdown was only just easing. This meant that they had to try and recognize each other in a crowded space.
“We didn’t take our facemasks off until we got outside,” says Ben. “Which was like 5-10 minutes after.”
Fortunately, they had sent each other photos of the outfits that they would be wearing. “You know that moment when you’re going to meet…finally! It’s very emotional and I was shaking,” says Indy.
Ben was equally as emotional. “I was lost for words…I still am lost for words, if I’m entirely honest with you,” he says.
They stayed in a hotel in the center of Paris and did the romantic tourist visits to the Eiffel Tower, drank coffee at cafes and headed to galleries during this first long weekend together. There were never any awkward moments because they felt they knew each other so well already and considered themselves a couple months before.
The ENFJ – INFJ special connection
Ben says he thought of themselves as a couple even in the early days. “Very early on we spent a lot of time conversing with each other and I think we just sort of fell into it,” he says. “I think we just did kind of know.”
The depth of their messaging and then chatting soon after they matched, strengthened their ENFJ – INFJ relationship quickly. “I think from an early stage we did a lot of planning of what we could do together,” says Indy.
They rapidly got in to discussing the bigger picture in terms of ideas about how they would move forward as a couple. Meeting through a dating app that matched their personality types definitely helped this.
Personality type dating
“I’m naturally curious about the idea of different concepts of personality just as a means to really getting on with each other, especially in the workplace,” says Ben. “It’s a good way to know what people’s strengths are, know where you are different to them and meeting people in the middle. I’d never really thought about using it for a relationship until obviously your dating app.”
Indy had also looked into personality types and how they worked together in work and social situations. “I discovered my MBTI four years ago and it became obvious that it’s better for me to be surrounded with people that are NFs,” she says. “So that’s why I decided, ‘MBTI dating…cool! That works!’”
Knowing their personality types has hugely impacted on their relationship. “For me I think it has made things happen quicker,” says Ben. “Often with relationship building, it’s very much kind of feeling your way forward, seeing what does and doesn’t work. With things like this, it is actually pretty accurate. You kind of knew me, I knew you.”
Complementary ENFJ – INFJ personality types
Ben, being an INFJ, is an introvert. He is quiet, laidback, and gathers his energy from his own thoughts. The fact that Indy immediately understood this because of understanding his personality type was beneficial.
Indy, on the other hand, being an ENFJ, draws her energy from the people around her. But Indy points out that they also have many similarities which has helped them develop as a couple in an easier, quicker and deeper way.
This is exactly what the So Syncd algorithm does. It pairs people with certain similarities, so they form a strong connection, but certain differences, so they have that spark.
“Matching with people isn’t necessarily about just hitting everything completely right,” says Ben. “There are things that me and Indy would probably disagree on at the moment. They seem to be very few and far between. However, we can think about each other’s thought patterns of how we would perceive something going forward so we can have a discussion that is constructive.”
Indy agrees. “Yes. We have [a different] perspective in some things and we can still understand each other.”
The ENFJ – INFJ personal growth journey
They instantly clicked over subjects relating to thought patterns and the mind. “We’re both quite spiritual people,” explains Ben. Indy is fascinated by growth mindset and neuroscience.
“There’s a lot of great stuff about different ways of approaching problems,” says Ben. “We both quite like the idea of learning different types of concepts about the human mind.”
Indy has also promised Ben that she will teach him yoga because it is an important part of her life and Ben admits he is “absolutely useless at it”.
Ben and Indy both cite each other’s intuition and the most attractive part of their personalities. Indy’s positive outlook, especially with the current situation with COVID-19, also made a difference to Ben. “We realized literally the first time we messaged, how far apart we were in terms of location but we both supported each other.”
Dating during a pandemic
Connecting, during what is the biggest global pandemic of our lifetimes, certainly made dating a challenge at first.
“Distance, power cuts, Wi-Fi not working, changes in law, whether we can travel or can’t travel, the hour time difference sometimes and the picking each other up when the other person is perhaps running a bit low on energy,” says Ben, listing some of the hurdles they have had to get over. “The kind of keeping each other motivated. But absolutely nothing is insurmountable.”
The hardest part for Indy is all down to distance and time. And in some ways, it has had its advantages.
“I feel like I was really lucky to find Ben. I wouldn’t imagine this to happen actually,” says Indy.
Ben feels that meeting on So Syncd while in lockdown meant that in some ways, they had time to get to know each other. “It was very relaxed with us,” explains Ben. “I personally thought we may not meet for some time, so thought let’s just spend this time making the most of getting to know each other. Being open and honest and going from there.”
The future of their ENFJ – INFJ relationship
When this podcast was recorded, they were still living in different countries. However, they had already started to make plans about the future and how they could live together.
Ben then remembers that he has also pledged to learn more yoga and Indy reminds him that he also has to learn some French.
However, ultimately, they are just so happy to have met their soulmates. “We just want to send our heartfelt thanks to you guys,” says Ben. “You’ve really changed our lives. We’ve obviously never met you guys but it’s very sincerely heartfelt. You’ve really just made two people very happy.”
Eight months after this interview, Ben and Indy got married in Paris. Due to social distancing restrictions, their ceremony was small but beautiful and filled with love. If we let you in on a secret, we knew it was meant to be from the moment we started talking to them and we couldn’t be happier that two such kind and genuine people found each other through our app.
How to write your own love story
If you’re feeling inspired by this beautiful love story, sign up to So Syncd, the personality type dating app, for free today to find your perfect personality match.