There’s a new dating trend gaining traction amongst women: only dating men who have been to therapy. While this might sound like an extreme measure, there are several reasons why they are choosing to do this.
So, let’s look at these reasons and whether you should only date men who have been to therapy.
Why do some women only want to date men who have been to therapy?
For starters, some women only want to date men who have been to therapy because it can indicate they have a number of positive traits and behaviors. For example, they can be more self-aware and emotionally mature than those who have not. We delve into more of these traits that tend to correlate with going to therapy later on in the post.
In addition, everyone has something they’re dealing with, and some more than others. But when a man has spent time in therapy, it suggests that he has already worked through some of his issues. Or at least he is in the process of doing so. Some women worry that if a man hasn’t yet dealt with his issues, it reduces the chances of having a successful relationship. They can be concerned that they’ll become attached to him, and they’ll have to deal with his emotional baggage.
Another attraction is that if a man is willing to put in the work to improve himself, there’s a good chance that he also puts effort into his relationships. No relationship is smooth sailing all of the time, so it’s key to choose a partner who will make a conscious effort, particularly during challenging periods.
Finally, some women take the stance that if they have gone through a self-work journey, then their partner should have done so as well.
Are there problems with only dating men who have been to therapy?
There are two main problems with only dating men who have been to therapy.
Firstly, therapy can be expensive, and it isn’t accessible to everyone. Some men can’t afford it, and others aren’t conscious of the benefits. So if you only date men in therapy, you are cutting off men who either can’t afford to go to therapy or simply aren’t aware that it could be helpful.
Secondly, not all people need therapy in order to do self-work. There are various styles of self-work that suit different people. Some might prefer to introspect and read self-help books, while others might prefer to do personal development courses. Just because someone hasn’t been to therapy, it doesn’t mean that they haven’t done the self-work in other ways.
Why is it a good thing to date men who have been to therapy?
There are some valid reasons why women like to date men who have been to therapy. We look at the traits that are associated with going to therapy below.
1. They are more likely to be self-aware.
Men who’ve been to therapy tend to be self-aware. They will have taken the time to analyze and understand their emotions which, in general, doesn’t come as naturally to men as it does to women. Self-awareness is one of the best predictors of a healthy relationship, so choosing a partner who has this quality is a smart move.
2. It indicates they are taking responsibility.
Going to therapy indicates that they are taking responsibility for their behavior and choices. It can be challenging to date someone who is defensive and stuck in their ways and men who’ve been to therapy have taken tangible steps towards self-improvement. This majorly impacts relationships for obvious reasons.
3. It tends to keep their ego in check.
The very fact that they have been to therapy means that they have relinquished some ego. When it’s not kept in check, your ego can damage and even destroy relationships. Men who’ve been to therapy have shown vulnerability and admitted to the outside world that they aren’t perfect. This can be hard in today’s society with the social pressures that men face. It takes a certain bravery for a man to go to therapy and it takes even more bravery for a man to speak publicly about it.
4. They are more likely to have realistic expectations of others.
Men who’ve been to therapy are less likely to expect perfection from others. If you accept that you have things to work on yourself, you tend to be more accepting of your partner’s flaws. Men who’ve been to therapy have taken time to reflect on their own imperfections and this ties in with showing higher levels of empathy.
5. They have shown a willingness to be vulnerable.
Men who’ve been to therapy tend to be more comfortable being open and honest about their feelings. This is essential for any relationship as it creates a safe space for both parties to express themselves without fear of judgment. Vulnerability is a skill that doesn’t come naturally to everybody, but it’s something that can be worked on in therapy. It can take a lot of hard work to be vulnerable and men who’ve been to therapy have taken the time to develop this skill.
6. They have prioritized personal growth.
Men who’ve been to therapy are likely to have made personal development a priority in their life. This means that they appreciate they’re not perfect and they strive to better themselves. Having a growth mindset is essential for any relationship as it allows both partners to grow together.
So here are some traits that are associated with men who’ve been to therapy and why it can be beneficial to date such a person. But of course, there’s no guarantee that men who’ve been to therapy have these traits. Equally, there are men who haven’t been to therapy who do have these qualities.
Is dating men who’ve been to therapy just another dating trend?
In general, dating behaviors are over-pathologized. A key problem with this is that it can make certain actions seem more intentional than they were meant to be.
For example, more often than not, ghosting isn’t malicious. It’s usually that someone is prioritizing other things in their life, but categorizing it as ‘ghosting’ makes us think that there was ill-intent and they were out to get us.
Looking for a “therapized man” could be considered part of this trend, and people should be careful about how they use this strategy.
Are men who have been to therapy automatically better partners?
If you only date men who have been to therapy, you might miss out on an incredible relationship. There are some amazing men out there who might be exactly what you are looking for but don’t have the resources or awareness to access therapy. It’s also worth bearing in mind that there are men out there who will have done self-work in ways that don’t involve therapy.
However, there are positive traits and behaviors that correlate with men who have been to therapy, as we have discussed above. Going to therapy is associated with emotional intelligence, self-awareness, proactiveness, responsibility, vulnerability, bravery, and a growth mindset. Plus, men who have been to therapy will likely have worked on their communication skills and their ability to set healthy boundaries. All of these things are conducive to a healthy relationship.
Final thoughts on only dating men who have been to therapy
Ultimately, it’s up to the individual woman if she chooses to only date men who have been to therapy. There are pros and cons to both approaches, and the decision really comes down to the woman’s individual preferences and values.
However, it’s important to remember that therapy is a tool, not a magic pill. Just because someone has been to therapy, it doesn’t mean that they are flawless or will be a perfect partner. Ultimately, what matters most is that your partner has traits and qualities that make them a good partner for you. The best relationships involve healthy communication and trust, and this can be present with or without therapy.
If you found this blog post helpful, you might also like “My Boyfriend is Too Nice” & What to Do.
